that hopeless feeling.

I'm going to piss and moan and whine and display a "poor me" attitude, you may want to move on to something more uplifting or productive. You have been warned.
I spent the better part of yesterday searching for a place to call "home". I have been looking in the Pacific Northwest; Oregon, Washington and Idaho and Montana as well. Without physically visiting these places it does little good to do so, but I continue none the less. It's called insanity, apparently I've caught it from these humans here on Earth. I then tried to work on a budget to save money for traveling and the move as I do have some places narrowed down for a home site, the cost will not be staggering. Although it may as fucking well be. No vehicle to travel with means the purchase of transportation of some sort. Be it permanent, rental, or public. A rental is unreasonable in the cost department. A plane, train, bus, of crate to mail myself in means a return trip (possibly) for the crap I want to move with me. There are options, such as mailing the said crap to said location after acquiring residents, that I still have yet to ponder. A car, truck or van; can I afford one? No. I could make payments, possibly, but with little or no down payment, options a stark at the sunniest. Then there is the task of living arrangements. I don't necessarily require a structured house to live in, a tent would do just fine thanks. This requires a place to throw said camp. The pioneering spirit is not so much alive in that you can simply set up were you stop in this time period, at least not easily in this country. That means finding land to live on. It begins to spiral into a chaotic morass at this point and I can feel myself begining to become very un-zen. The situation has in fact, shat upon my happy cloud.
Al I would like is to live in some wilderness place where I can be left to my thoughts. A place where I can hear no traffic or the absolute minimum of human activity. A place where I can SEE the night sky and not just a few clouds! Someplace where night time is *GASP* dark! A place where I can witness the changes of seasons and the living, natural world. I want to breathe and not inhale combustive pollution. I want water that is clean. All I want is to be able to LIVE and not to simply exist. Countless hurdles arise keeping from this. My dream is actually a nightmare in that I cannot obtain it.
I swear people, I am this fucking close (pinches fingers together herd enough to bring blood), to walking the fuck out of here THIS WEEKEND! I have had it with so called humanity and can do without it. Humanity has lost it's humane ability. And I have lost patience and my mind.....ok, not sure I ever had much of that last bit, but still! I am about to search for carts or even a wheel barrel to lug the needed dog food and water That B and I will need to walk ...well, away. To just go. I am so very close to a "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm OUT!" moment. All I must do now is overcome this hopeless, overwhelming moment that a lot of us have these days.
O.k., now, to inhale, exhale, and continue onward!

Morning Zen

As of late I have been sleeping VERY little, if at all. I complain much about it but that does no good. Sleep has never been kind to me. I will often go several days to a week on just a few hours rest. It can be exhausting and I dislike sleeping pills, or any frikin' pills for that matter, so I sleep little. Usually I crash hard for 5 or 6 hours a week, sleeping an hour or two in a stretch without waking. That's another issue, I wake up of and on all night. About once every half hour. But I'm not complaining today, there is a plus side to getting frustrated with trying to sleep and getting out of bed at 3 a.m. There is NO ONE at the park at 4:30 in the morning! B and I have it all to ourselves until about 5:30 and sometimes 6. Even then it is just a very few people and B and I know them as "regulars". Some are there with their dogs, others to be alone and walk without a lot of noise and people. I enjoy those before sunrise walks because I can let Bruno off leash and run around freely. It is not that he is a problem, quite the opposite, he is incredibly well mannered when I'm with him. It is that some of the park goers are intimidated by his size. I find it silly as I consider him a medium sized dog. He is only just over 80 pounds. I once had a half old English mastiff, half saint Bernard that was over 200 pounds. He was a big dog. But, people, most of the time, cannot judge the weight of a dog and think that B is a massive monster of a beast. Those that know him know he is a lap dog....literally!
This morning we were up again before Jesus and farmers so our walk was another quiet one. The moon was almost full and the sky was clear with stars shinning bright. The temp. was not too bad, in the upper 70's and it was quiet. The trail at the park was dark but we know it well. All the bends and curves, the best trees to pee on, ( I'll not say if it is B or I doing the peeing) and the best places to watch the squirrels awaken. When the sun did finally make it appearance, the sky took on a shade of blue that I have seen none too often. The kind of blue that only comes with early mornings. The kind of colour that it is as if you have never seen blue before. The reason for this wonderful sky was not anything different in the atmosphere, it was me. The way I looked at it. I took time and really SAW the sky, the clouds slowly swimming by, the orange from the sun. All of this can be seen on any given day, but today, today I sat still and really looked. It was sort of a meditation on the sky. Now, I could be loopy from a major lack of sleep as of late, but this was profound to me. How many of we humans really take some time just to look at something? And not just to look, but to SEE? The sky, for all of my life anyway, has always been there, right above me. So why do I stop to take note of it so little? Night is different, there are stars and planets and I often sit and gaze at that, but not the day sky. I don't mean sitting a staring at the sun, like me naked, it can blind you if you gaze at it too long.
I have come to think of our early morning walks as 'morning zen'. A time to think and just be. After we walk a couple of miles, we sit and rest, rehydrate and await the sun. This is the best time of the whole day for me. Just B and I, sitting. Feeling the breath enter and leave my body, being cooled by sweat and a breeze. Watching the squirrels and birds go about being squirrels and birds and just being a part of it all. Of life. Of something bigger than us all, bigger than this little planet. Bigger than our egos and worries, bigger than our anger and resentment. Perhaps this is a bit of peace. A little time to yourself, outside of yourself to connect to everything and to try to be a bit more tolerant of others.

Sleep and rain.

I have been having difficulty sleeping since I was young. Insomnia, can be a bitch, as many of you know. I was taking sleeping pills and they helped a little from time to time but I haven't taken any in several months. I simply don't enjoy being reliant on pills ....or anything else for that matter, I suppose. Finally I was able to get more than an hours rest last night, or early this morning depending on how you look at such things. I'm not sure if it was the brief rain we received or that B chased off the squirrels in my head, or both, but I got some sleep. That always feels nice.
B and I have been on few walks indeed this past week due to the heat and humidity. He still takes some time to recover from the heat and the jogs and walks are a bit much for him by the time we get back to the house. I worry so I have been taking it easy on him. Besides, I am no big fan of hot ass weather as a constant. The sunlight and my medication don't exactly groove together pleasantly. While I can use the treadmill, he isn't a big fan of it. I worry about him getting bored, and I can see that he does! He is a bright K-9 and needs stimulation. Sure, I have toys and chew treats and such, but even those grow old after a while. You can only rotate the toys and treats so much before he's bored again. Oh, make no mistake, he would lie around and munch on things all day! There are too many calories for that though, I am trying to keep him fit and get us both back into shape. Rawhide is no good and wouldn't last long with him in any event, so I have some chews from the vet. with enzymes to help with a healthy mouth. Still, boredom seems an issue. If any of you have any ideas, let me know. We have always started our walks before sunrise but lately the humidity has been a factor with him. We go outside several times a day to play briefly then it's back in to cool off. I have a wading pool for the dogs but he is not a water dog type, per say. He will play in it very little, even at the lake. Hopefully by this time next year we will be in cooler climes up north.
As for that, I have also started looking into moving to Oregon or Washington and not just Idaho, as to give me more options. I seek rain, mountains and forest away from large groups of people and big shitties....I mean cities! So the hunt remains on for just such a place. It will happen, it will just take some research and travel and I am up for that!
I have been rethinking taking the walk with B. I'm not sure he will be up for it so soon, or ever. The verdict on his age is still out. Adult, young-ish. That's about all we know. He has had a rough year and it will take some time before he is recovered fully, he may surprise me yet though.
Until next time, may you all be licked in the face by a puppy!

Still alive...as of now.

Bruno and I are still living and trying to let others live without getting in the way. So far, not so bad. We are still exercising and I am still loosing weight, slowly. We did a little yard work the other morning and it looks nice out back. We worked until I grew tired of tripping over damned souls and finally ask one what the hell was going on. It replied that Satan was tossing the damned up to Texas, it was hotter up here! Then came the wonderful little thunderstorm and rain that cooled and watered us. And apparently was the signal for the mosquitoes to come out and devour humans. I suppose they have to eat too. Diet seems such a small thing to dislike one creature over. I try to let them be, in return they offer me malaria. But even in the full-on daytime, the buzzing vampires stay hidden. Texas can burn the wings off a vulture in the summer. B stays cool by laying on the couch in front of the fan, not a bad idea, if I could get him to scooch over!
Big B is a full-fledged service pooch now, with badges and all. He does still dislike the vest though, but he is realising that it means he can go anywhere that I go and that helps us both.
Do you think that snakes ever get a back ache?
Can worms get worms?
I don't want to be anywhere near an elephant with a cold. When it blows it's nose it will be nuclear.
Dog heaven is, in fact, also cat hell.
What do termites use to pick their teeth with?
Keep cool and try to share a fan, it's cooler that way.

Living in the Moment

Hey everyone, tis I, Bruno, your four legged traveler and protector of yards from those sneaky turtles! My human and I have been as busy as a one-legged cat trying to bury turds on a marble floor! He is loosing the weight, slowly so he says, and dragging me along with him. Ok, I'll admit that most mornings it is I who does the dragging, at the begging of the walk anyways. That guy always seems to be in a hurry on these walks! He should slow down and enjoy it. I try to show him how but you know what they say, you can't teach an old human new tricks. This morning though, it was a BIRD that taught him a lesson on being where you are, when you are.
It was during our mile three break and he had been rushing along like the trail would disappear if he didn't hurry, as usual, and we stopped to pant for a minuet and lap some water. Now , I could just see those tiny, broken wheels trying to spin and I just knew his small mind was elsewhere, worrying about such things as was and is out of his control. Boy, was he gone! Then, I saw him snap to, as if someone had opened the marro bones bag, and he took notice of a mocking bird just going off! This thing was really going at it, just singing like crazy. It would change songs then go back, then switch again. I must say, even a reserved and worldly dog as myself was impressed. I could see the light come back into his eyes and he took a look around and for the first time all morning, he SAW where he was. He took note of the ducklings that had hatched over the weekend, of the goslings following their mother. He felt the lovely breeze, blowing the cool morning air on his sweating, stinking body. (Really, he stinks after a walk!) He took note of the way the morning sun made it seem as if he were inside a giant green kaleidoscope as it shone through the leaves. For the first time all morning, he was AT the park. He looked down at me and said as much. I replied "duh", but I'm not sure he caught that, he is rather slow at times. It showed him that he should slow down and BE were he was. Enjoy it, live in it, just BE!
As for the turtles! HOW DARE THEY!! To think that one would try to INVADE my back yard! Hmph! Well, I showed that one that did dare to tread in my domain! I gave her a right barking at. Yes sir! I bet she'll think twice before venturing into MY lair again! The nerve! My human said that it was a red-eared slider. HA! Trespasser, that's what she was! Unfortunately the humans rescued it from my mighty mandibles of doom and released it into the river at the park with the rest of those things. She had damn well better tell the others what to expect in MY empire!
All in all things are good. Rain falls, heat rises, but we keep trotting along, one paw in front of the other. Pups are born and grow up to have whelps of their own. The wheels turn and the wind, well, she blows new and exciting scents our way every day. It is up to us to take the time to sniff them.....

Shedding the pounds!

I have been dieting as of late and I must admit that it is going better than I thought it would. I have dropped several pounds, lost two inches off of my waist, and I am eating a LOT better. My energy is great! We, Bruno and I, are walking and jogging four to five miles five times a week and I have started a dumbbell routine. The more I do, the more I feel like doing. My secret is sparkpeople.com. It is a free sight with all kinds of great stuff. There is a nutrition tracker for keeping up will all the food intake, menus, if you choose to use them, for each meal and day. Exercise suggestions and a feature for keeping track of the calories you burn. It is a real nice site with lots of help, suggestions from other members and groups you can join if you wish. I hate dieting, but this site really helps me. It keeps me on track and motivated to do better. I can't see a difference physically yet, except for the loose clothes and a smaller belt size, but I can sure as hell FEEL it! Heck, I'm wearing Bruno out now rather than him tiring my ass out. I still have to want to loose weight and better myself, but this site helps me to do so. On another note, Bruno has let me type this web log this morning. He's such a great guy. He is doing great health-wise by the way. He has had no stomach problems in a great many weeks and has not missed a meal at all. He is looking fantastic! And he is back up to over 80 pounds and 70 pounds of that is teeth! Just kidding, it's appetite! We have a busy month ahead with lots of travel plans. My youngest brother is getting married, again, so there is a trip for several days to his place as well as a visit to an exotic animal ranch while we are there. Then there is the trip to the coast. We will be staying in a hotel like pansies. LaQuinta allows pets and has a discount program through Petsmart's pet pals program. (Wow, that's a lot of "p"s!) We may camp on the beach for a night just to enjoy the Gulf a bit more. We are also going to visit a lot of local parks in and around the area we will be staying. I do enjoy traveling with B. His demands are few, except when it comes to his food, and he is always up to checking out new things on foot. I have also decided to take a bit of the Continental Divide Trail on our trip to the Canadian border. We strolled a bit of it in Colorado and while the elevation will take a bit to get acclimated, it is well worth the huffing and puffing. The views we saw were once-in-a-lifetime sort of things. Independence Day is approaching and we've a party planned for here. The usual, grilling, blowing crap up, and fun. I am also buying a lot of ice for the dog pool and making frozen meat flavored treats for the dogs. Have fun, hug a soldier or veteran, and be civil to each other.

Back in Texas.

My human and I have traveled back to uncivilization and rested up. We are walking like mad humans and he comments that he is sore. I tire after the walks but spring right back after a good nap. The mountains were as expected, beautiful. The wildlife did not let us down and we explored out wagging tails off. No worries, my human sewed mine back on. He still lacks a tail, poor human. We hiked starting before sunrise and rested at noon until about five-ish, or at least we tried. There were a great many things to stick our noses into and scents that begged to be followed! At nights we would lay listening to the sounds of wildlife and the wind. NOT the sounds of traffic and noises man-made! We could also see stars, stars like most humans never get to see. My pet human thought this to be of some importance and pointed it out to me. I'm not sure why, if you can't smell it, you can't catch it. If you can't catch it, you can't eat it, so what's the importance of it? The dogs may never fully understand you human-types. Good thing he's not exactly from this planet! In short, we had a wonderful time just being what we are, the best of friends, brothers in the chase.
The trip back was nice. He took his time and that was fine with me. We put a lot of miles behind us with our heads out the windows and our tongues flapping in the wind. We rested up in a motel before the ride back. Good thing too, we stank! "Bathing" in the steams did us little good as SOMEONE forgot the soap..... Not saying who, but he walks upright on two legs.
The 11th of next month we are planning on going to the coast. I've never been but my human assures me there will be new and great smells to explore. Plus lots of sand to trot on. We will see how well he does, you can never tell with humans........
Sniff you later! Follow your noses!