Terzula's words

The wedding

2011-07-25T05:05:00.000-07:00

It is official. The wedding has been preformed, papers signed and all that legal stuff. The morning of the service I awoke with Bruno, as usual, before sunrise and we took our morning walk. I felt fine. No nerves going crazy, everything cool. Just another relaxing wake-up walk to make sure the Sun showed up for work. It did.
On the walk home I think it hit me. No, I KNOW it did. I was getting married. Again. Then all of the "what ifs" started firing at me and I though that I just might puke. I held it in, but as the time got closer, the more nervous I became. At the church I was sweating like I was hoeing a garden in Texas in August. By the time she arrived next to me and we took each others had, I was kinda hoping that I would pass out....rather than tear up. Being the alfa-male type and incredibly macho and manly, I did neither.
The service was preformed by her Father as she had wanted for some time. Her brother, a good friend of mine from wwwwwaaaaaaaayyyyyy back. When asked, "who gives this woman away?" He Said,"I do...FINALLY!"
The rest of the service was great, laughter were need, thanks Bruno!, and sincerity throughout. The music got mixed up as we were to walk down the aisle together, Led Zeppelin" Kashmir played. Not bad at all, just unexpected. There were lots of laughs, most at Bruno. He, by the way, was very dapper in his tie!
My bride's dress was made by her with hand stitching of a tree on the back, one of my nick-names for her, probably the nicest one too. I'll not go into the others but they seem to involve farm animals.
The reception was nice too. I grilled for everyone and as my new wife pointed out, he loves to grill and would have it no other way. Afterwards, back to the house to hang out with her/our brother and a close friend and the kids. We all stayed up late and were dragging ass the next morning. Breakfast with her father, Grammy, and Aunt Sue, then back to the village.
Charity was trying to get us to go swimming in a local creek and enjoy the beautiful day. We were torn and being lazy, but in the end she persisted and we went. GREAT CALL! The place is so very beautiful, the water cool and nice, and the birds were singing. The water that flows over the smooth slate rocks must contain a high percentage of Valium as we were all relaxed afterwards. We would group together and talk, break off and explore on our own or just laze in the water. It was almost as magical as pulling a rabbit out of your ass though far less painful. I cannot remember being so relaxed outside of hospital medication. Even Big Bruno was all at ease as the weather was only in the mid 80s. A perfect ending to probably the best week-end of my life!

Been a while

2011-07-11T04:33:00.000-07:00

The day is fast approaching. THE day. Me who thought I would never marry in the first place, is doing in a second time. 13 days away and I still don't know what I'm wearing. I do thing that Bruno will be the ring bear (raaaawwwwwwrrr!) and Marshall is my best man and Taz, my betroths brother, will be standing up there with me, perhaps to catch me if I run off or pass out. Her father is preforming the service, thank God it's not a shotgun wedding!
While I am not so much nervous, I am concerned. I lost my mind during the first marriage and have yet to find it. I hope to do better this time around, both with my future wife and our kiddos. Every one's life is a book. Mine is rampant with miss-spellings, run-on sentences and story lines that jump around and have nothing to do with the previous chapter...or the previous sentence for that matter! I hope she can keep up with this crayon-wielding 2 year old.
Our friends from Texas will be miss greatly. Hmmmm, maybe we could use mannequins or blow up dolls in their place.....
Oh, and she FORBIDS me from wearing a Tigger costume, there went plan number one!

A rare morning commonly found.

2011-03-27T04:23:00.000-07:00

Bruno and I were up and out before sunrise, as is usual, for our morning walk. We went to our usual haunt, the river. I will fall well short of describing the moment, but I feel I must try.
It was peaceful. The uncommon peaceful type moment that will stay with one throughout their lives and be judged against all other moments like it. The cold wind was blowing gently in our faces as the Canadian geese a mere few feet away, went through their morning routines of conversation, flapping and trying to impress the fairer of the sex. Lesser scaups dove and landed, their white feathers standing out against the dark water. The Village roosters,(crows), tried to wake the world as song birds warmed their singing voices. As the sun rose over the mountain I realized that I had, at that moment, no worries, no cares. I just "was". I was there, with my pal, Bruno, enjoying a peace that while rare, is all too common here. I noticed that even the usually impatient Bruno was sitting still, watching the water flow lazily by us, caught up in his own silent thoughts. He too, looked to be at peace. All was right in the world. It was a moment that, if shared with all the humans of this conflicted and confused planet, would put a cease to all ill will and hatred and worries, if just for a short while.
I wonder if a hundred years from now if another boy and his dog will stand at that same spot, watching the same sun rise on a peaceful, cool spring morning?

Joe

2011-03-12T01:42:00.000-08:00

I would like to share a chance meeting that i had with a fellow in one of those horrid gathering places of mass consumerism a few weeks back. Understand That I am not stereotyping this guy or being a racist, his accent really was this thick and he knows it and says so. I am going to try to type his part as close to phonetically as possible so you too can get the flavour of his accent.
I was waiting for my Tree to get off work when I spotted this elderly fellow sitting on a bench. I nodded and he returned the nod. I came back a few minuets later and sat next to him and thus begins the meeting. His name is Joe.
Joe is an Italian immigrant, somewhere as he says, in his 80's for a while now. He is the veteran of our Air Force and served during Viet Nam. Joe is full of life and stories as I was to find out. With an impish grin and very little pause, he dives right in to a story.
" When-a I was-a in Japan, they had-a me drive a truck-a to a place. Now, I'm-a no truck-a driver, I no know what-a fuck is-a going on, but hey, I do it! Now the trucks, they have-a call sings, you know-a; a=alpha, t=tango and so on. This-a is my first-a time to do this, so I have-a no idea what I do-a. This-a guy, he stop me and ask, are you 124 Charlie? I say-a no, my name is-a Joe! He say, listen here-s you dumb fuck-a, not-a your name, what the truck's name. I say, how the hell should I know the truck's-a name, I never been introduced before!"
After a few laughs from me, he explains how "back then" you could buy a woman for $5.00 for the whole night. He then tells me this short tale and trust me, i cannot do it justice.
"Me and -a my friend from Kentucky was-a at this bar with this guy from-a the Boston whose accent was-a terrible! There was-a this woman there who my buddy bought-a a beer. She starts-a rubbing between my legs and-a I move her hand-a away. She move-a it back-a. Next thing I know-, she in my lap-a! So I says to my buddy, Hey Tom-a, get-a this yougly bitch-a off-a my lap-a!!! The other guy, he say, What the fuck-a he just say? I say Get this yougly bitch-a off-a my lap-a!!!!! He say, What the fuck-a is the yougly??? My friend, he say, That when ugly is-a not enough to describe-a how-a ugly she is. Now, back-a then, my English is not so-a good, not-a like now, so I-a not know how you ugly so I say it yougly. It was-a all over base very soon. A few months-a later I was transferred to Greece. I'm-a sitting ata bar when this-a guy, he come in looking real rough. I say, Hey fella, what's-a happened to you? He say, "I had-a this date last-a night and man! was she YOUGLY!! I says, "you just come-a from Japan? he say, "Yeah, how-a you know? I say never you-a mind!
As I said, I cannot do these stories justice without telling them in person and even still, it would not be NEAR as funny without Joe telling them. I would love to record a conversation with him. Eventually his wife walks up and Joe's face was afire with love that comes from years of waking up next to a beautiful sunrise, and his sunrise is his wife. She too is an Italian immigrant. She looked to be maybe half of Joe's age and a real looker!! Go Joe!!!!! I don't know what his secret is, but it sure works for him.
I hope to meet Joe again, though I doubt that I will. Meetings like this are once in a life time happenings. I type this more for me than for anyone else, so I will remember Joe, and the life that still burns inside of him. To remember his many stories, of which I only shared two short ones. Live long Joe, and keep telling your stories!

Adjusting to life in the Valley

2011-02-15T06:20:00.000-08:00

The Mutt and I seem to be getting the hang of this Northern life pretty well. Everyday I am amazed at some aspect of the beauty of this place. Snow on tree limbs, the trails, hills, and streams, everywhere you look something wonderful appears. There is a cycle of snowing, melting and freezing that keeps one on their toes...or their backs on the sidewalk! The snow is still piled deep here but I don't mind. The 40 degree days feel great, nice hiking weather. Bruno loves the snow and romps, rolls and buries his balls in it. Um, his tennis balls.
My Kitten, Bruno and I visited the vet's office yesterday, a Valentines day full of shots for the Meathead. Then we did a little shopping and what not. We are not big V-day-ers, we love each other all year and everyday we tell each other so. I have taken to calling her Kitten, it sounds better than donkey, I think.
I enjoy the fact that the air is clean and fresh in this village. Even on main street during the height of the traffic times, the air is nice. And the water here was voted the best tasting water in NY a few years back. It may not be paradise here, but it is not too far from it. I think it's just to the north of here in fact.
Peace, Love, Taters.

The usual, and unusual, stuff.

2010-12-19T06:04:00.000-08:00

Since the move up here there has been a lot of snow. And it is not even winter yet, not for another two days. This boy and his dog really enjoy it too! The other morning it was coming down at a rapid and great volumed pace. I was out with B and when he noticed it he ran around jumping into the air trying to catch the flakes in his mouth. I thought it looked like fun so I tried to catch some as well. It was fun. He also likes to bury his snout in the powder and run through it like a snow plow. This I leave to him, I doubt that I would care too much for it. We enjoy our walks with the snow falling out of the trees or blowing lightly into our faces. There is quiet here, and with quiet, I find peace. I can still my mind and find relaxation. There is also love.
Love, I think, is the most noble and enduring of human qualities. Enduring because it can span any distance and surpass even the great slumber of death itself. Selfless love is noble. When you can throw away all expectations and beliefs on how that person should be, act and behave and simply love them for them, then you have something wonderful indeed. Love is noble in that one is willing to give anything for the other, even there life. Love of one's children is a given. It is pure and whole. Finding someone with which you feel the same way about, that selfless, complete love, is rare. Rare and fast becoming extinct, I fear, for most. I am talking about the type of love that at the slightest thought of that person you are warmed as if by the sun. And sometimes it is as hot as the Texas sun in July! It too, is peaceful.
If you have someone in your life, anyone, hold there hand(s) today, look them full in the face and let them know that you love them. If nothing else than to remind you of that love. We all get caught up in ourselves and what we are doing that we can overlook the love we feel for others. We know they love us, but we can all use reminders of that love and the reflection of their love reflected back onto us. Think of each person special to you for a few minuets, one at a time. Picture their face, their smile, and consider the love you have for them. It won't take much time out of your day.
A wonderful woman I know says that there is always time to dance! Well, there is always time to love too.

New forrests to roam!

2010-12-09T02:22:00.000-08:00

This Texas boy and his dog have moved, to New York of all places. Not the city type N.Y., but the nice part. We live in a village in Central-lower up state NY. We are at the base of the Adirondack Mountains area, in a valley, surrounded by hills. There are streams and rivers at every turn, with waterfalls! i cannot wait to try my hand at fly fishing some of these! The Mohawk River flows just a few blocks from the apartment, though I would not drink the water in it. The geese sure like it well enough, as do a lot of ducks. There are new bird species to learn and the squirrels are great! We have red, grey and black squirrels (the black being a color morph of the grey, so i have read). They appear larger with a fur that is more dense than their Southern cousins. Makes sense due to the weather. And we have snow, lots of snow so far. B LOVES it!! He runs around with his nose under the snow like a plow. He also like to bury his ball in it and watch as I try to find it. The other morning, (at 1:45!), he needed to go out and it was snowing pretty good. He was running around, jumping into the air while trying to catch snowflakes in his mouth! This area is truly beautiful, for more reasons than one. I find myself being happy a lot. The noise inside of me has quieted a great deal. The buzzing "sound" in my head has all but ceased. There are places here were my mind is quiet and I can think. I am still adjusting to a new family life and the idea that I am a part of it. The cold is good, for me, as it provides ample snuggle time! I do miss my Southern friends and wish you could all be up here with us. Speaking of snuggles, my snuggle buddy has just sloshed through like a zombie, it is after all 5:39 in the morning. A bit early for her. We miss you all!

2 a.m., again

2010-10-27T00:49:00.000-07:00

Well, the boy with his dog awoke at 2 a.m. again, that is my super power. A 2 a.m. alarm that brings me to full awake. I lay there thinking of Her. Looking into those changing eyes hearing Her laugh. I think of my children. Are they sleeping well? What are they dreaming? How I would love to peek in on them as I did when they were younger. I think of roads behind and roads ahead, rough and smooth.I think of wolves, of bears, of birds, I think of trees. One in particular. I think of leaving, of packing. Of what I will leave behind, will I leave anything behind? Will I be remembered when I'm gone? Do I want to be? When I type of "gone" here, I refer to death. See how my mind leaps and soars into the weirdest corners of the room? I do so with a crayon, so I have been told. Like a two year old scribbling on the walls, I take off in every and any direction. It is no fault of mine, it's my brains'. So put him in time out, not me! I'm going outside to play!!! I think of my family, current and past. The trails I have walked and those yet to stroll upon, jump in my mind. New smells, old smells, sights, sounds, tastes. Running through my mind like a streaker at a football game, this way and that, being chased by the police of reason, these thoughts escape me. And the reason police for that matter! All these things bleed through staining the canvas of my mind.
And then I think: Whatever this boy and his dog encounter, She will be there, holding my hand, chasing behind me with a rag to remove the crayon from the wall. And now, I am smiling.

Relaxing sounds of nature....

2010-10-19T00:47:00.000-07:00

It is 2:47 a.m. and here I sit trying to type this while the computer chair sinks slowly so I have to keep adjusting the height. There, pillows, done and done. Anyway, I just stepped outside and there is a light rain falling. I step into it and lift my face to the sky and listen. There is quiet! Not silence, but quiet. Crickets are chirping loudly, rain is falling on the leaves, there is no traffic, the sound of Bruno urinating...wait, yep, somehow even that is relaxing. All the tension seems to simply flow out of me. I enjoy the moment, the here, the now-ness of the moment. All is quiet, all is still inside me. A moment of peace, not thinking, just being. Standing barefoot in the rain, I feel myself as a part of a whole. A wondrous universe of being. I will try to meditate for a bit and then, perhaps, there will be SLEEP!
Stop and listen.

my mid-night ramblings

2010-10-15T23:43:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, it is 1:44 in the a.m. and I up. I find this odd because I usually awake at 2a.m. and can't fall back asleep, no matter what time I go to bed. Perhaps the chip in my brain implanted by the aliens is going all wacky? I wonder, what kind of chip is it? Nacho cheese? A Pringle perhaps, or maybe a chili cheese Frito! Either way, I think it is on the blink. My furry companion, on the other hand, has eaten his chip, I'm sure....probably the alien as well.
The Vet. visit with him was a good one, though he also hates those tiny exam rooms. His follow up test for heart worms was negative and all appears healthy. Including his appetite! He now weighs in at 97.80 pounds. Not sure why the "0" is there other than to make him look even heavier, but hey, that's what the papers state. Veterinarians are a wonderful way to find out about how expensive it is to keep a pet healthy. Seriously, I love them. If only the pet insurance covered regular check-ups and visits, rather than "emergencies" only. I wonder if choking on a squirrel or duck is considered an "emergency"? Certainly it would to the duck or monkey-rat in the throat.
I have spent this past week, since Monday after arriving, or re-arriving, back at the house locked in my room for the most part. I have taken B out and fed him, gone to the bathroom, heck, I even showered a couple of times. All of this thanks to depression and anxiety. I have spent this time mostly sitting on staring at nothing. Television sucks, inter webz is stoopid with technology. So sit I have. Right now, I feel a little better. I hope to take our hike in the morning. I am certain that Bruno is ready to chew his paws off due to boredom, really, I saw him trying! He does have a large back yard to run in with the two other dogs that lag around here waiting to bark at things, but it is different from our walks.
I also have decided that this is probably my last full month here depending on money. I still need a -20 below rated sleeping bag and a three or four season tent and a few other things. These are not cheap. I can't just hop on down to Waly-weird and pick them up. So, I shall have to search on-line, purchase, and wait. I think that I have figured the Bruno food /space issue, I'll just have to travel lighter than expected to make room. As to where we will go...hell, I'm simply going to put one foot in front of the other and see what happens. I know where I would like to go, but am uncertain if things will pan out. I know, I couldn't wait for Spring could I? Just HAVE to go as the weather will be turning icky, which, by the way is a meteorological term to describe some weather in Texas. Other words include; crappy, hot f*cking hot, and REALLY f*cking hot! With the occasional freeze your privates off cold, even if you posses no privates, they will freeze off. Luckily, that happens about twice a year here, like snow on Easter.
I still have concerns about B's stamina, but we can take breaks. I am in no hurry, that I know of. I am hoping to have a junk,er, garage sale soon to rid myself of un-needed ...things. My problem is that I LIKE my crap! It has taken a while to acquire some of the oddities that I have, the rest of it can go though. I may end up selling blood and brain matter. Trust me, my brain matter is far more rare than gold, so the price should be good for it.
Ok, I'm through for now, I think, or do I?! I will sit and meditate until before sunrise, then I hope to drag B for an outing.

A Rant a.k.a. pissing and moaning.

2010-10-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

There are a great many things that I consider myself, civilized is not one of those things. Hell, I am barely tame or domesticated. I have seen "civilized" people and see them on a daily basis, if even in the media via t.v. or the inter-webz, and I greatly dislike them. There is very damned little civilized about civilization. The rape of children, torture on national or religious beliefs, murder for shoes, a watch, $27.00, or for no reason at all. This is daily! DAILY, mind you. Every fucking day someone is butchering someone else! I am not speaking of killing to protect an innocent or loved ones or hell, even one's self. Just senseless deaths, day after day. Recently I watched a documentary of homicide detectives going about their jobs. In one instant they had to interview a SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY, the oldest of the three, that witnessed his mother being shot in the head while she was in the car with those 3 little children. These hardened men and women were crying after the interview with the child as he described his mother's brain matter being splattered on his face! No shit, I would cry as well. Oh, the reason of the murder? An argument over a man. What a wonderful reason to kill someone in front of their 3 children. All that suffering over a perceived disrespect. Hell, a person must first respect themselves before they can others! I recall a time when respect was EARNED through one's actions and morals. On how that person treated others. Not because they feel they demand respect! Not because of an inflated sense of self worth and importance. Humans should set aside their inflated egos and be mindful of the other people on this planet. Be civil for fucks sake. A nicer way could be the old do unto others thing. One can stick to their beliefs and morals while respecting the beliefs and morals of others. You don't have to agree with them, but understand that not everyone believes as they do. I am not immune from my verbal ass-whipping. I too have a hard time realizing that maybe, just maybe, this planet does not revolve around me. Staggering thought, I know, but true. Yes, I am not the center of the universe as I have led you all to believe.....but tell no one of this! I struggle with attachments that I have to beliefs or ideals, that not everyone does something simply to piss me right the hell off. I am not angry as I type this, just frustrated at the state of in-humanity.
These issues that I have with un-civilization have come to light, more so, as I realized that I am becoming more withdrawn from humanity. I go to the park almost daily, but this is done before sun rise and just after. The few people that are there are usually regulars and I am comfortable with them. They are civil to others, always with a wave or a "good morning" and a smile. I have a few, very few, friends that I am comfortable around and, honestly, at times it is hard for me to be "out" with them. Sure, in an environment that they are in I can usually be at ease, but there are times when this is difficult. I know a lot of this is due to my illness, but I still do not enjoy the fact that I can't just go over and be at ease without worrying about a meltdown. I had a royal meltdown the other day. It took another day to recover from the pressure of people in this town. It is not just this town, it is any place where people are. The more I am around people, the less I want to be. Call it antisocial or label it another way, the fact is people suck. Not all, but most.
To those very few people that are civil and human, thank you.

A day with a princess and the royal family.

2010-09-27T02:09:00.000-07:00

The beloved Meathead and I were kidnapped in the very wee hours of the morning yesterday, or, as some would say, in the night. As I was awake anyway I minded little. We were forced to endure the tortures of grilled foods and great company. Oh, what horrors we faced. Like troopers though, we did not back down nor did we ever give up! We consumed the meats, what MUST have been several pounds worth. My colon hates me but my tummy loves me for it!
the coversation was truly a nightmare, what with all the laughing and catching up. Once again, the horrors! OH!! And lets us never forget the nightmare of the , wait for it.......TICKLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAHHHHHHH!!!! The memories are too much!!!(SOB).
Ok, I've recovered, let us continue. The betrayal by my best buddy was almost too much when he failed to protect me from those wicked tickles, I'll not mention any names oh furry and tailed one....
There was, however, one enjoyable ray of light. One that helped me through the darkness of the great food and better friends, The Princess. AH yes, The Princess Emma! She and I, her Prince Kevin, the handsome, smart, strong, handsome, witty, handsome, brave, and did I mention handsome?, Prince Kevin, took on the evils of the world to save the innocent!!! We rode the length and breadth of the kingdom, fighting trolls, witches and care bears.... ok, maybe not care bears be we sure would have had any got in our way! We also befriended and learned about a certain large grasshopper. If you ask the Princess she will show you that this grasshopper was about a foot in length or more. We played with Ruby the dragon who stayed in my shirt pocket, we threw a ball at the beach. She and I constructed our castle, complete with a moat and draw bridge and towers. We stalked the elusive crickets in the wild, uncharted yard. We flew across and above the land, we sat , we walked holding hands, making small talk that only a four year old and an adult with the mind of a four year old can conjure. It was a wonderful day. There was a certain beautiful someone who was missing, but was with us in heart. My Queen.
Today the royal court travels to the wizard of the scalpel to tend to the king's leg. It was bitten off by a shark but is getting better. If he would have taken MY advice and rubbed salt in the gaping hole in his leg, it would be all healed today. So few people listen to my advice though, it's weird huh? At least he is getting better, although slower than if he would have listened to me and my extensive medical background. Salt and dirt does wonders!!
B and I are back in our cave now, the smell of cooking flesh still fresh in our nostrils and the feelings of arms around us in hugs fresh in our minds. This day, this cool Autumn day, will be long remembered.

A special morning at the park.

2010-09-20T12:17:00.002-07:00

This morning was the sort of morning that poets dream about. It was cool, almost crisp, and clear. There was a light fog coming from the heavy dew on the grass. The stars were bright, so much so that you felt you could see into the future with them. There was the smell of late blooming flowers, so sweet it would make your teeth hurt to smell them. Soon, the sun started to lighten the sky and the birds awoke to sing the day awake. First the cardinals, then the jays and grackles. Then, as if on cue, all sorts started calling, announcing to the world that they were still alive. The geese and ducks glided across the surface of the calm water, fluffing their feathers and dipping their heads in the wet mirror that reflected and moved under them.
The sun crested above the tree line and colors exploded across the land B and I stood on. The squirrels, their cheeks stuffed with pecans and walnuts, ran up and down the trees, stowing them for the winter that is sure to come before long. The cool air is strong in our lungs. That slobbering beast beside me and I sat watching, peacefully, as the morning rituals of the those park animals took place.
We completed several revolutions of the parks' trail and, grudgingly, set about a very round-about way to the house were we sleep. While walking along the river to exit the park I noticed a very large bird swooping in to land on a branch. It was an unusual color that I noticed to be the dappling of a juvenile but had the four and a half foot wingspan of a bird a great deal larger than the native hawks. Curious, I dug out my binoculars and had a much closer gaze at the details of the youngster. As he, or she, was only 40 feet away or so, I had a nice look. A nice, long look. I watched as it flew off after a duck, an adult duck that looked so small next to it. Then another duck, and another. It hunted with the awkwardness of youth, but persistence of an adult. I took out my handy little bird book, the one with the photos, not drawings, of the birds. Sure enough it was in there, big as as the sun that rose only an hour before, a juvenile bald eagle! Right here in Stephenville at the city park. Possibly, likely, an early migrator to the North. Old enough to be on its own, young enough to not yet have found a mate. In any event, beautiful, like the rest of the morning spent with my constant companion, Bruno.

A mixed up mind or a confused coconut.

2010-09-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

Being bi-polar often times sucks the ass. A smelly, hairy, greasy, zit-filled ass. Every night I get ready for bed and wonder who will wake up tomorrow. Will it be the neurotic, paranoid, can't-leave-the-room guy? The anal attentive neat freak cleaning the toilet with a toothbrush? (Not my toothbrush mind you!) Will i awake to the depressed lay-in bed-all-day guy? Or, the worst, the furious bastard that hates all things personality? I never know. What's worse is the length of time between these people varies. Could last a day, could last a couple of weeks. Personally, I prefer the manic, wild idiot, though even I get tired of this one. The constant chatter from my mouth and in my head that never seems to be connected to each other wears thin on my nerves, yet I cannot stop it. Some days I don't even notice what I'm doing...until I see the bank statement! If I have money, I often spend it without thinking. Impulsive purchasing on a budget larger than I have access to often bodes ill for me. Then again, when I start thinking of a purchase I will talk myself out of it.
Then there are the voices and noises. Oh what fun to go around all day looking for that fricking noise that eludes one all day! Or to keep looking to see if anyone else hears what I, or my mind, thinks it hears. Meds do help keep things manageable, most days. The best defense I currently have against tripping over the cliff of insanity is my dog, Bruno. I can always count on him to lighten things up. When anxiety clubs me in the head, he is right there to put his head under my hand to calm me down. When the "noises" become worse, I look at him to see if he is listening to something or someone to determine if we both hear it. Imagine if he heard things too! That would be funny as hell, sad, but funny! It has taken some adjustments, but he and I read each other pretty well and rely on each other for comfort and security. I think we are both better for it. He no longer a risk at being put down for lack of a home, I at a lesser risk for being put down due to lack of sanity. Make no mistake, I still lack sanity, I just cope better with it now. Or without it, depending on which side I look at. We, dare I say it, complete each other. That is so corny you could plant it, but it works. Together we are a little less un-complete. Besides, without my bed, where would he sleep?

The walk, again.

2010-09-11T02:53:00.000-07:00

Once again I have been thinking, no dreaming, of "the walk". A walk-about as it is know in Aussie land. I mapped my route out of Texas to Northern New Mexico were I will be briefly before hitting Colorado and the Rocky Mountain trail to Canada. The Texas to N.M. is 157.5 miles or there about. If I can log 20 miles per day, that is only 2 miles per hour at 10 hours a day, I can be to my first destination in N.M. in about 8 days of travel. Add for unforeseen events and it could be 10 days or so. If I calculate for Bruno marking like he does then we will arrive in New Mexico in just under 8 YEARS! Just kidding Big B. We both pee every few steps, must be a dog thing. Anyway, 2 miles an hour is very doable for us as we average 3 to 4 on even terrain. Sure the days will be long, but interesting and of course there will be breaks for rest, grub, and just to look at things. The trail over the Rockies, if that is the path we travel, will take much longer due to the terrain and elevation but it is something I would love to do!
Some of the gear needed is pricey, emergency radio for weather reports, solar charging panel, and some camping gear to name a few things. Those can be purchased a little at a time due to lack of funding and e-bay is a wonderful thing for finding these things at reasonable rates. The thing I run into is lugging supplies. For myself it is no big issue, but for my dog owner, Bruno, it may just be an issue. I would need space for his food and they do not sell his brand of food in anything smaller than 30 pound bags. That is a lot of space! No way will that fit in my pack with all the other needed gear. I have considered a pull cart and this sounds like a keen idea....until the mountains. Then the trail is uneven at best and not exactly smooth. Tugging on a cart at that altitude and terrain might take a while. So now I must find a new idea. I could sure use some help brainstorming this problem. Any ideas that any of you have would be a great help....possibly. I know some of you and answers like storing the food in your bum may pop up. I have already thought of this and concluded that the food will NOT fit, thank you very much! It may also turn out that I must adjust our route to a more subdued trail avoiding the mountain paths for roads.
In any event I need to remove this chair from my duff and get B and I out the door for our morning hike. Can't get ready for the trip by eating chocolate and playing on this thing....DAMN!

Just Ramblings

2010-09-07T07:12:00.000-07:00

It is raining,YES!! While I do enjoy a good wet it does prove a bit dull for the Bruno Dog. He will play in it, but not much. So we sit inside bopping around, He on the futon, I here with my Tazo Zen hot tea. Exciting, I know.
My meditation practice has been going well I believe and I enjoy it. I can open up to myself and be honest with myself without beating the crap out of myself mentally. I can observe feelings and emotions that arise inside of myself to better understand them. About the only problem that I have at times are my legs falling asleep after about 30 minuets and by the time the hour is up, I cannot feel one or both of them at all and must wait for the circulation to return so I can stand. Second is that my mind is like a squirrel, it's all over the place. I get distracted easily and often have trouble focusing on any given task at a time. Some sittings are better than others with the concentration, other times I spend an hour chasing my mind around. Give and take I guess. I enjoy the quiet, just sitting and letting things be. no worries for the moment, no task or appointments, just breathing and observing how things appear and disappear.
I would like to find a yoga class and start practicing some of that. I enjoy a good stretch, so long as I don't have to try to put my feet over my head or up my ass. I'm not near as flexible as I once was.
Well I have a whole day of not doing anything so I'd better get to it.

Humor in a graveyard.

2010-09-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

This morning my human took me to the graveyard for a walk in the cool morning air. It is a nice change from the routine walks to the park as the smells are different and there are lots of trees to mark. It is relatively quiet considering it is at probably the busiest traffic area in town. There always seems to be a nice breeze blowing in the mornings and it is rare that there is anyone else around, living that is. Today the human saw some marking on a headstone that gave him a right chuckle. He told me it was funny, maybe it was, human-types can be weird. On the marker of the remains of one woman that lived to a mature age was carved the words " I tried broccoli and didn't like it." Some how this was funny to my human as he explained that most humans like to have there lives summed up in a few words on their markers. A testimony to their beliefs. I believe that this woman did not care much for broccoli.
Have a great Labor Day weekend and keep wagging your tails!

Belonging

2010-09-02T05:59:00.000-07:00

The rains finally blew in and with them I've seemed to calm down.....a little. It is a unique sensation to awake with the smell and sound of rain and getting the first days' nice, long stretch and yawn in. Makes me want to go back to sleep just to awake all over again.
I was ask if I felt the way I described on my last post were I lived previously. I had to think and be honest with myself and the answer was 'yes'. I have never felt as if I truly belong anywhere except out in the "wild". The forests and woods help to provide me with a sense of calmness. In the quiet, natural sounds I can think. My head quiets and I feel at ease and peaceful. Among nature and with animals I feel as if I belong. As if it is my "place" to be out there.
One reason that I am aware of is out there I cannot hurt anyone. Nature expects little and I know what to expect of it, the unexpected! I understand nature and animals, it's humans I cannot grasp.
This is through no fault in others. I have been made to feel most welcome among my close circle of friends. They are more family than friends and I love them dearly. However, I have always felt as if I were intruding, a burden and in the way. I have felt comfortable for short periods but never at..home. The feeling is even worse in public or in towns. Most of the time when I am around large crowds I get angry and aggressive. The noises and smells of the people start to close in on me, to suffocate me. I start feeling the need to escape, to lash out and yell "Stay away"!! "Don't fucking touch me"!! and "Shut up"!! I feel the anxiety building in me now as I type this. Just the thought of a mass of stinking, noisy bodies pressing in on me starts to obscure and cloud my thinking. Logic slips away and I picture myself striking them, trying to get out.
Wow, That guy is screwed up! I fear that I will become violent again. That is part of my life I have tried to keep behind me. I have injured enough people, physically and emotionally, to last a life time. And it always seems that I do so to those I care most about. You know who you are and, sadly, so do I. It is a heavy weight on myself and others to know that I will eventually break down and lash out mindlessly again. This is no "poor me" type crap, just simple truth. I am constantly taking steps to try and remedy this, but like most important things with overcoming negative self ideals and beliefs and habits, it is a most difficult task. But no matter how many times the rocks of reality start to slide on the mountain of life, I will continue to climb until I reach the top. What else can I do but continue? I know no other way. Not giving up, no matter how much I wish to, cannot be an option again. i always think, just one more sunrise. One more morning listening to the birds sing and watching the squirrels play. One more deep breath. Breathing, that is key.
Always remember, Just breathe.

Slogging Ever Onward, But To What?

2010-09-01T12:40:00.000-07:00

Bruno and I go for walks and jogging almost every morning. We mark our territory, check out any new smells, and enjoy being outside among the birds, squirrels and other animals. There is no better way for us to begin our day than to have the wind in our faces stretching our legs. As of late it is not the motivation to go for that outing that I search for each morning, it is gathering the resolve to return. As soon as we cross the bridge at the park to return to the house, we step back into the world of Man and the smell, no, STENCH of pollution from cars and the ever crushing noise of people going everywhere and nowhere at the same time. At the park, the morning joggers/walkers greet each other with "Good mornings" and "Hellos". Outside of the park, it is all about the self and rushing to do those all important task that requires people to be rude and nasty to each other. Is there a manner barrier that surrounds the park and ends the moment one leaves it's borders? I actually look forward to greeting those regulars out to torture themselves for health and those I have yet to get to know at the park. Why does my attitude towards people change when I leave? Yes, I too am guilty of using the manners barrier of the parks confines. What changes for me? I still say hello and good morning, but it feels different. Forced, almost, and uncomfortable. I am not sure what changes in them or me, but I will search for the answers to this mystery.
As for the return to the house and the world of Man, I turn around and slog ever onward, but to what?

that hopeless feeling.

2010-08-30T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm going to piss and moan and whine and display a "poor me" attitude, you may want to move on to something more uplifting or productive. You have been warned.
I spent the better part of yesterday searching for a place to call "home". I have been looking in the Pacific Northwest; Oregon, Washington and Idaho and Montana as well. Without physically visiting these places it does little good to do so, but I continue none the less. It's called insanity, apparently I've caught it from these humans here on Earth. I then tried to work on a budget to save money for traveling and the move as I do have some places narrowed down for a home site, the cost will not be staggering. Although it may as fucking well be. No vehicle to travel with means the purchase of transportation of some sort. Be it permanent, rental, or public. A rental is unreasonable in the cost department. A plane, train, bus, of crate to mail myself in means a return trip (possibly) for the crap I want to move with me. There are options, such as mailing the said crap to said location after acquiring residents, that I still have yet to ponder. A car, truck or van; can I afford one? No. I could make payments, possibly, but with little or no down payment, options a stark at the sunniest. Then there is the task of living arrangements. I don't necessarily require a structured house to live in, a tent would do just fine thanks. This requires a place to throw said camp. The pioneering spirit is not so much alive in that you can simply set up were you stop in this time period, at least not easily in this country. That means finding land to live on. It begins to spiral into a chaotic morass at this point and I can feel myself begining to become very un-zen. The situation has in fact, shat upon my happy cloud.
Al I would like is to live in some wilderness place where I can be left to my thoughts. A place where I can hear no traffic or the absolute minimum of human activity. A place where I can SEE the night sky and not just a few clouds! Someplace where night time is *GASP* dark! A place where I can witness the changes of seasons and the living, natural world. I want to breathe and not inhale combustive pollution. I want water that is clean. All I want is to be able to LIVE and not to simply exist. Countless hurdles arise keeping from this. My dream is actually a nightmare in that I cannot obtain it.
I swear people, I am this fucking close (pinches fingers together herd enough to bring blood), to walking the fuck out of here THIS WEEKEND! I have had it with so called humanity and can do without it. Humanity has lost it's humane ability. And I have lost patience and my mind.....ok, not sure I ever had much of that last bit, but still! I am about to search for carts or even a wheel barrel to lug the needed dog food and water That B and I will need to walk ...well, away. To just go. I am so very close to a "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm OUT!" moment. All I must do now is overcome this hopeless, overwhelming moment that a lot of us have these days.
O.k., now, to inhale, exhale, and continue onward!

Morning Zen

2010-08-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

As of late I have been sleeping VERY little, if at all. I complain much about it but that does no good. Sleep has never been kind to me. I will often go several days to a week on just a few hours rest. It can be exhausting and I dislike sleeping pills, or any frikin' pills for that matter, so I sleep little. Usually I crash hard for 5 or 6 hours a week, sleeping an hour or two in a stretch without waking. That's another issue, I wake up of and on all night. About once every half hour. But I'm not complaining today, there is a plus side to getting frustrated with trying to sleep and getting out of bed at 3 a.m. There is NO ONE at the park at 4:30 in the morning! B and I have it all to ourselves until about 5:30 and sometimes 6. Even then it is just a very few people and B and I know them as "regulars". Some are there with their dogs, others to be alone and walk without a lot of noise and people. I enjoy those before sunrise walks because I can let Bruno off leash and run around freely. It is not that he is a problem, quite the opposite, he is incredibly well mannered when I'm with him. It is that some of the park goers are intimidated by his size. I find it silly as I consider him a medium sized dog. He is only just over 80 pounds. I once had a half old English mastiff, half saint Bernard that was over 200 pounds. He was a big dog. But, people, most of the time, cannot judge the weight of a dog and think that B is a massive monster of a beast. Those that know him know he is a lap dog....literally!
This morning we were up again before Jesus and farmers so our walk was another quiet one. The moon was almost full and the sky was clear with stars shinning bright. The temp. was not too bad, in the upper 70's and it was quiet. The trail at the park was dark but we know it well. All the bends and curves, the best trees to pee on, ( I'll not say if it is B or I doing the peeing) and the best places to watch the squirrels awaken. When the sun did finally make it appearance, the sky took on a shade of blue that I have seen none too often. The kind of blue that only comes with early mornings. The kind of colour that it is as if you have never seen blue before. The reason for this wonderful sky was not anything different in the atmosphere, it was me. The way I looked at it. I took time and really SAW the sky, the clouds slowly swimming by, the orange from the sun. All of this can be seen on any given day, but today, today I sat still and really looked. It was sort of a meditation on the sky. Now, I could be loopy from a major lack of sleep as of late, but this was profound to me. How many of we humans really take some time just to look at something? And not just to look, but to SEE? The sky, for all of my life anyway, has always been there, right above me. So why do I stop to take note of it so little? Night is different, there are stars and planets and I often sit and gaze at that, but not the day sky. I don't mean sitting a staring at the sun, like me naked, it can blind you if you gaze at it too long.
I have come to think of our early morning walks as 'morning zen'. A time to think and just be. After we walk a couple of miles, we sit and rest, rehydrate and await the sun. This is the best time of the whole day for me. Just B and I, sitting. Feeling the breath enter and leave my body, being cooled by sweat and a breeze. Watching the squirrels and birds go about being squirrels and birds and just being a part of it all. Of life. Of something bigger than us all, bigger than this little planet. Bigger than our egos and worries, bigger than our anger and resentment. Perhaps this is a bit of peace. A little time to yourself, outside of yourself to connect to everything and to try to be a bit more tolerant of others.

Sleep and rain.

2010-08-17T05:33:00.000-07:00

I have been having difficulty sleeping since I was young. Insomnia, can be a bitch, as many of you know. I was taking sleeping pills and they helped a little from time to time but I haven't taken any in several months. I simply don't enjoy being reliant on pills ....or anything else for that matter, I suppose. Finally I was able to get more than an hours rest last night, or early this morning depending on how you look at such things. I'm not sure if it was the brief rain we received or that B chased off the squirrels in my head, or both, but I got some sleep. That always feels nice.
B and I have been on few walks indeed this past week due to the heat and humidity. He still takes some time to recover from the heat and the jogs and walks are a bit much for him by the time we get back to the house. I worry so I have been taking it easy on him. Besides, I am no big fan of hot ass weather as a constant. The sunlight and my medication don't exactly groove together pleasantly. While I can use the treadmill, he isn't a big fan of it. I worry about him getting bored, and I can see that he does! He is a bright K-9 and needs stimulation. Sure, I have toys and chew treats and such, but even those grow old after a while. You can only rotate the toys and treats so much before he's bored again. Oh, make no mistake, he would lie around and munch on things all day! There are too many calories for that though, I am trying to keep him fit and get us both back into shape. Rawhide is no good and wouldn't last long with him in any event, so I have some chews from the vet. with enzymes to help with a healthy mouth. Still, boredom seems an issue. If any of you have any ideas, let me know. We have always started our walks before sunrise but lately the humidity has been a factor with him. We go outside several times a day to play briefly then it's back in to cool off. I have a wading pool for the dogs but he is not a water dog type, per say. He will play in it very little, even at the lake. Hopefully by this time next year we will be in cooler climes up north.
As for that, I have also started looking into moving to Oregon or Washington and not just Idaho, as to give me more options. I seek rain, mountains and forest away from large groups of people and big shitties....I mean cities! So the hunt remains on for just such a place. It will happen, it will just take some research and travel and I am up for that!
I have been rethinking taking the walk with B. I'm not sure he will be up for it so soon, or ever. The verdict on his age is still out. Adult, young-ish. That's about all we know. He has had a rough year and it will take some time before he is recovered fully, he may surprise me yet though.
Until next time, may you all be licked in the face by a puppy!

Still alive...as of now.

2010-08-09T14:37:00.000-07:00

Bruno and I are still living and trying to let others live without getting in the way. So far, not so bad. We are still exercising and I am still loosing weight, slowly. We did a little yard work the other morning and it looks nice out back. We worked until I grew tired of tripping over damned souls and finally ask one what the hell was going on. It replied that Satan was tossing the damned up to Texas, it was hotter up here! Then came the wonderful little thunderstorm and rain that cooled and watered us. And apparently was the signal for the mosquitoes to come out and devour humans. I suppose they have to eat too. Diet seems such a small thing to dislike one creature over. I try to let them be, in return they offer me malaria. But even in the full-on daytime, the buzzing vampires stay hidden. Texas can burn the wings off a vulture in the summer. B stays cool by laying on the couch in front of the fan, not a bad idea, if I could get him to scooch over!
Big B is a full-fledged service pooch now, with badges and all. He does still dislike the vest though, but he is realising that it means he can go anywhere that I go and that helps us both.
Do you think that snakes ever get a back ache?
Can worms get worms?
I don't want to be anywhere near an elephant with a cold. When it blows it's nose it will be nuclear.
Dog heaven is, in fact, also cat hell.
What do termites use to pick their teeth with?
Keep cool and try to share a fan, it's cooler that way.

Living in the Moment

2010-07-13T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, tis I, Bruno, your four legged traveler and protector of yards from those sneaky turtles! My human and I have been as busy as a one-legged cat trying to bury turds on a marble floor! He is loosing the weight, slowly so he says, and dragging me along with him. Ok, I'll admit that most mornings it is I who does the dragging, at the begging of the walk anyways. That guy always seems to be in a hurry on these walks! He should slow down and enjoy it. I try to show him how but you know what they say, you can't teach an old human new tricks. This morning though, it was a BIRD that taught him a lesson on being where you are, when you are.
It was during our mile three break and he had been rushing along like the trail would disappear if he didn't hurry, as usual, and we stopped to pant for a minuet and lap some water. Now , I could just see those tiny, broken wheels trying to spin and I just knew his small mind was elsewhere, worrying about such things as was and is out of his control. Boy, was he gone! Then, I saw him snap to, as if someone had opened the marro bones bag, and he took notice of a mocking bird just going off! This thing was really going at it, just singing like crazy. It would change songs then go back, then switch again. I must say, even a reserved and worldly dog as myself was impressed. I could see the light come back into his eyes and he took a look around and for the first time all morning, he SAW where he was. He took note of the ducklings that had hatched over the weekend, of the goslings following their mother. He felt the lovely breeze, blowing the cool morning air on his sweating, stinking body. (Really, he stinks after a walk!) He took note of the way the morning sun made it seem as if he were inside a giant green kaleidoscope as it shone through the leaves. For the first time all morning, he was AT the park. He looked down at me and said as much. I replied "duh", but I'm not sure he caught that, he is rather slow at times. It showed him that he should slow down and BE were he was. Enjoy it, live in it, just BE!
As for the turtles! HOW DARE THEY!! To think that one would try to INVADE my back yard! Hmph! Well, I showed that one that did dare to tread in my domain! I gave her a right barking at. Yes sir! I bet she'll think twice before venturing into MY lair again! The nerve! My human said that it was a red-eared slider. HA! Trespasser, that's what she was! Unfortunately the humans rescued it from my mighty mandibles of doom and released it into the river at the park with the rest of those things. She had damn well better tell the others what to expect in MY empire!
All in all things are good. Rain falls, heat rises, but we keep trotting along, one paw in front of the other. Pups are born and grow up to have whelps of their own. The wheels turn and the wind, well, she blows new and exciting scents our way every day. It is up to us to take the time to sniff them.....

Shedding the pounds!

2010-06-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

I have been dieting as of late and I must admit that it is going better than I thought it would. I have dropped several pounds, lost two inches off of my waist, and I am eating a LOT better. My energy is great! We, Bruno and I, are walking and jogging four to five miles five times a week and I have started a dumbbell routine. The more I do, the more I feel like doing. My secret is sparkpeople.com. It is a free sight with all kinds of great stuff. There is a nutrition tracker for keeping up will all the food intake, menus, if you choose to use them, for each meal and day. Exercise suggestions and a feature for keeping track of the calories you burn. It is a real nice site with lots of help, suggestions from other members and groups you can join if you wish. I hate dieting, but this site really helps me. It keeps me on track and motivated to do better. I can't see a difference physically yet, except for the loose clothes and a smaller belt size, but I can sure as hell FEEL it! Heck, I'm wearing Bruno out now rather than him tiring my ass out. I still have to want to loose weight and better myself, but this site helps me to do so. On another note, Bruno has let me type this web log this morning. He's such a great guy. He is doing great health-wise by the way. He has had no stomach problems in a great many weeks and has not missed a meal at all. He is looking fantastic! And he is back up to over 80 pounds and 70 pounds of that is teeth! Just kidding, it's appetite! We have a busy month ahead with lots of travel plans. My youngest brother is getting married, again, so there is a trip for several days to his place as well as a visit to an exotic animal ranch while we are there. Then there is the trip to the coast. We will be staying in a hotel like pansies. LaQuinta allows pets and has a discount program through Petsmart's pet pals program. (Wow, that's a lot of "p"s!) We may camp on the beach for a night just to enjoy the Gulf a bit more. We are also going to visit a lot of local parks in and around the area we will be staying. I do enjoy traveling with B. His demands are few, except when it comes to his food, and he is always up to checking out new things on foot. I have also decided to take a bit of the Continental Divide Trail on our trip to the Canadian border. We strolled a bit of it in Colorado and while the elevation will take a bit to get acclimated, it is well worth the huffing and puffing. The views we saw were once-in-a-lifetime sort of things. Independence Day is approaching and we've a party planned for here. The usual, grilling, blowing crap up, and fun. I am also buying a lot of ice for the dog pool and making frozen meat flavored treats for the dogs. Have fun, hug a soldier or veteran, and be civil to each other.

Back in Texas.

2010-06-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

My human and I have traveled back to uncivilization and rested up. We are walking like mad humans and he comments that he is sore. I tire after the walks but spring right back after a good nap. The mountains were as expected, beautiful. The wildlife did not let us down and we explored out wagging tails off. No worries, my human sewed mine back on. He still lacks a tail, poor human. We hiked starting before sunrise and rested at noon until about five-ish, or at least we tried. There were a great many things to stick our noses into and scents that begged to be followed! At nights we would lay listening to the sounds of wildlife and the wind. NOT the sounds of traffic and noises man-made! We could also see stars, stars like most humans never get to see. My pet human thought this to be of some importance and pointed it out to me. I'm not sure why, if you can't smell it, you can't catch it. If you can't catch it, you can't eat it, so what's the importance of it? The dogs may never fully understand you human-types. Good thing he's not exactly from this planet! In short, we had a wonderful time just being what we are, the best of friends, brothers in the chase.
The trip back was nice. He took his time and that was fine with me. We put a lot of miles behind us with our heads out the windows and our tongues flapping in the wind. We rested up in a motel before the ride back. Good thing too, we stank! "Bathing" in the steams did us little good as SOMEONE forgot the soap..... Not saying who, but he walks upright on two legs.
The 11th of next month we are planning on going to the coast. I've never been but my human assures me there will be new and great smells to explore. Plus lots of sand to trot on. We will see how well he does, you can never tell with humans........
Sniff you later! Follow your noses!

MMM fresh air and stars!

2010-06-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

My human and I are just south of the Wyoming border near the Laramie River in Colorado and it is amazing. We have been here for over four days now in the "bush" on and near the mountains. At first, the elevation was kicking our fat asses but we have gotten a little better at hiking...a little. The air up here is clean and cooler than the lowlands and we have had to adjust to lower levels of pollution. No problem there! There were some clouds at night at first but the stars have been out and he stayed up most of two nights just gawking at the sky. Silly human, the sky is too high for him to reach and it never gets very close. He can't catch it so I don't know why he stares at it so. We have fished some, allegedly ,as he needs a permit to do so and hasn't one. I don't know why, you can't take a fish for a walk and They don't chase cars or cats. I can't see what the big deal is, I've never heard of a fish with rabies either. Stupid humans. I flushed out a furry, fast, long-eared thing that my pet human stunned by lobbing a small branch at and then I caught it. He called it a "rabbit" and we ate it. I guess it should have brought the stick back to us. Oh well, it was very tasty and I have chased more but haven't caught any. They are like squirrels without the trees. My human says the battery on this lap-top is about dry so I must stop now. We are in the motel resting up for the trip home and he didn't bring a charger for it. If not for me, he wouldn't remember to even feed me! I have to keep an eye on this one. Keep you tails waging and go chase something! B.

To the hills!!

2010-06-10T16:42:00.000-07:00

I, and my human, are headed to the lower Rockies for a few days to help prepare for the Big Stroll we are to take next year. We are going to climb, or crawl, up a short-ish mountain and take in some wildlife as we test some gear in the field. And he wants to fish a bit. Personally,I hope he catches something as I am a fan of the eating! The weather will be cooler by all reports, but humans seldom get prophesying weather correct. It should be fun. We are going at it alone in a rented s.u.v. and I plan to hang my head out the window most of the way there!
We had an awesome time in Fort Worth the other day. He took me to Petsmart and loaded up on goodies!!!! I've been chewing ever since! We then took a stroll in a shaded park with lots of smells and then, and THEN.... the LUNCH!!! Meat, sweet, yummy MEAT!!!! Oh how the animals are cute but they are made of meat, so I must eat them. Keep those squirrels in the trees and your tails waging, B.

up again .

2010-06-02T02:12:00.000-07:00

It's about that time of the morning and I'm bored-ish. Too bad for you! This form that I perceive to inhabit was invaded by an alien life several days ago. I know it was alien because this body tried to rid itself of said invading life, violently. Out of both ends. At the same time. I am so glad for the invention of trash cans as a waste basket would have been too small. As would have been a bucket. After this body catapulted the contents of bowel and stomach I realized..this form is SORE. I may have damaged this body and may have to get another. When one is vomiting at super sonic speeds, one does little in the way of philosophical thinking, or any thinking other than prayers to deities and even those are short. Usually just calling out of names in hope of salvation. I am a Buddhist so I usually didn't get the whole name out before another bout of intestinal porcelain removal. I did however think about karma and what I could have eaten to bring this upon myself. Turns out it was not karma so much as a lesson on impermanence, an important Buddhist teaching. This lesson was on the impermanence of things inside the body apparently. I shall spare you the colorful sounds and densities of evacuates from this system and move on to far more pleasant things.
Bruno, my canine guide on this trip is doing well. During the last visit he was found to have developed an ear infection after the mite had left and just a small spot of demodetic mange under one eye. The ear infection has cleared up great with medication as has the little mange-causing mites under the eye. He is still being treated for both. The mange was a result of stress of the treatment for heart worms that caused the mites to multiply faster. Something about taking advantage of stress and illness to kick their hosts' ass, or under-eye in this case. He will be at full capacity for activity in a few days. We are BOTH looking forward to that!
The walk from central Texas to the border of Canada is still in the planning phase. I do hope to be able to leave by early next year, this body does not reverse age unfortunately and is currently at 37 Earth years. It will be at 38 later this year so a need for urgency is on the planning table.
My tree is uprooting and moving with the saplings to the state of New York. It has to be better than the state of chaos and ignorance in which they are planted now. I wish them all the best and will miss them. I hope to try to help with the migration. Some will depend on funding as we, Bruno and I, may have to hike back. I think it will be a good practice run for us, although we will be ill prepared. It should be interesting to say the least. Maybe a Gypsy abduction is in our future! That could be great! Who knows?
Until next time, get plenty of rest, drink enough water, and give a hug to someone, they just may need it. Later humans!

walkabout

2010-05-25T03:26:00.000-07:00

I have been,for some great time, thinking of taking a walk. A long walk. Since I was young, I have felt this..NEED to go. To simply go. It always gets worse with the changing seasons. Call it wanderlust from a time when humans were more mobile, more nomadic. I have always wanted to take a long walk, what the Aussies call a walkabout. Now I think I may actually do so. I, with the help of Bruno, will start training for said long walk and next year, I will take it. I want to walk to the Canadian border and maybe a bit further. My exact route is as of yet unmapped so the mileage will vary, but I'm looking at around about 1800 to 2000 miles. I don't plan on a straight path as I want to skirt the Rocky Mountains on both sides for a bit and then shoot over to Idaho or Washington. I would like to walk in Yellowstone some also and it is along the way...sort of. I don't wish to plan too much of an exact route. I will not stay on it anyway, I'm too chaotic for any true structure.
In taking this little stroll, I hope to maybe find something out about myself and the world I live on. Perhaps even find who I am. In looking outward, I may be able to see inward. I'm not exactly sure that I want to see who or what I am, but I think that I need to try. Hell, I may not like what I find! I am also hoping to travel with my canine owner. We will be taking long walks this summer to get fit and see how he does with the shorter trips to local towns. This will also help us to test out the equipment for our trek. I hope to travel light but will need to haul food for the Bruno, a little for myself, and water for us both. Who knows, we may become full-time nomadic wanderers!

Bruno! The service dog!!

2010-05-17T02:58:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot! As of next month, Bruno, my k-9 owner, will be a certified service dog!!

2:49

2010-05-17T02:29:00.000-07:00

I awoke at 2:49 again. I do this a good bit. I have dreamt of this same time before. In the dream there were a lot of digital clocks stuck on this time as well as peoples' watches. Was this the end of time? The beginning? Hell I don't know and really, I don't care. I do not put a lot of stock into my dreams, although I do often wonder if there is any meaning to dreams or if it is simply the subconscious jacking with people. I do have re-occurring dreams often. At times for several nights in a row or years apart. These re-occurring dreams vary little , if at all. The whole dejavu thing occurs also. Now, I am no wacko that considers themselves a psychic or some such crap. I just have dreams that play out in the day to day. Sometimes the time between dream and reality (if there is a difference) occurs days or even years apart, but it does happen. It is never anything of importance, simply average, dull, mundane shit. It almost always involves another person but I can remember the dream right as it starts to unfold in the here and now. I do not mention it often to the other person or people. I find vacations in the nut houses to be of limited adventure, although the conversations with other vacationers is some of the most stimulating you can find in today's society, if you keep an open mind. Oh yes, back to dreams. I have yet to find any use or even much meaning in the ones I have, never the less, I am often curious about them. Books on the subject are of little help and damned if I will go to psychics for advice. I have never met one worth a pile of waste. At least the shit can be used as compost or fertilizer and therefore has some use.
For those of you that wish to know, and those that don't, Bruno is fine if not bored and depressed. He/We have 21 more days of "down time" treatment of our/his six weeks and then we may run and play again. Get your loved ones checked for heart worms, even grumpy old Grandpa.

Armed Forces Day.

2010-05-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

Today is armed forces day. Thank those who have and who are. Remember those who have gone so that we can be.

I have taken over...

2010-05-10T08:06:00.001-07:00

As it is that Terzula is not keen on the web logging thing, I Will, from time to time, be taking over his spot. Who is this dashing being who has left his keen perspective for us to read you ask? I shall tell you.. I am Bruno. THE Meathead. Accept no substitute.
Recently, I went in for a "routine" check up,(somehow these things never end up "routine"), and was found positive for heart worms. Yea me. Not to fear, the condition is treatable in this day of medical advancements. The treatment is, however, not, shall we say, pleasant. I was given a shot on consecutive days. Unpleasant things, these shots. Arsenic is a major component in this serum. The toxin is administered in the muscle deep in each hip via a foot of fine Toledo steel. Unpleasant? Yes. The pain pills helped, a little. I felt horrible the first three days, but, the worst is yet to come! I must remain "quiet" for six weeks. Six L O N G weeks. As of today, I have 29 more days of boredom to go. 29 days of no running, jumping, playing, or even excessive barking. Excessive barking?? Barking is never "excessive"! Dumb humans! You see, there is a danger of dislodging some of the worms in my heart and sending the dead parasites to somewhere important. Such as a different part of the heart, the lungs, or the brain. This could result in death, which as you may, or may not know, is almost 100% fatal and sometimes permanent. At least Terzula gives me rub downs, scratches and massages. And lots of things to gnaw on, though they never last long. Over all he is not a bad human-sort of fellow. (It is still up for debate the world over just what the hell he is.)
On top of this ,I have contracted ear mites. I just know that I got them from that circus poodle in Comanche. What a night!! Should have used protection though. Ah well, live and learn, I say. While annoying, this is just that. Annoying. Drops from the good doctor at ARK Veterinary Hospital are knocking them out. And a moist cloth to clean the ears daily feels GREAT before each treatment.
In a bone,(this is like a nut shell to you simians) get checked for heart worms. The people from the shelter in Brownwood had somehow got a negative result, thank dog for the check up. It is mosquito season in North America so a good preventative such as k-9 Advantix really helps, as does heart worm meds. Ask your vet for a good heart worm medication. Trust me, This sucks. This is worse than being a cat!!
Until next time, keep those tails waging!!

You will be envious, oh yes, you will

2010-03-10T05:34:00.000-08:00

Ohh-ho-ho! Who was at the opening of the M.O.L.A.??? You bet your ass, I was there! MOLA (museum of living art) is the new reptile exhibit at the Ft. Worth zoo. It was two years and 19 million (I think) dollars in the making. Not only is it one of a kind, but is beautiful as a piece of architecture.
Some of the animals on display were; a 15! foot saltwater crocodile, a Fiji island iguana (very endangered), and one of the very few Chinese giant salamanders in North America, and a giant tortoise. OH! The king cobra is fricking huge! To those not familiar, the king cobra is the largest venomous snake in the world. I will try not to go into too much detail about each species, I tend to go off on a rant and people usually have a hard time following me, like now. The tortoise did not come out, it was a little cool for him/her to want to come outside.
Jayde and I took a day and spent most of it at the zoo and had a great time and took a great many photos. Some of my earliest memories come from the Ft. Worth zoo. I have had the pleasure to observe it become what it is today. If you get a chance, give it a visit, there is an animal for everyone, even penguins for one of our friends, you know who you are.
We have another addition to the house, a Quaker parrot, still yet to be named. She is another rescue and adjusting well. I finally got the 110 gallon tank set up for the water dragon. I doesn't look too bad and there is plenty of room for him.
In a nutshell, that's about it for now. I have to go, I'm in the middle of playing Texas hold'em with some of the beings from my home planet and need to give my report on the going-ons of this planet. Later humans.

The prunes were talking to me!!

2010-03-01T00:52:00.000-08:00

The prune dream, apparently, was trying to tell me, as The Tree suggested, that I was or am emotionally or creatively "blocked up". So I suppose I should crap out some creative or emotional crud... This could get messy, grab your rags and mop buckets and head on over. Ok, emotionally, maybe. Creatively, probably. But PRUNES???? Come on! My head can do better than that! I know! I've been inside it a time or two! There is some real strange shitte that goes on in there! Oh well, I suppose I should "let loose" then. Maybe cry a little or break out the crayons..hey, crayons! not a bad idea..
As far as creative, my two favorite beings, a friend and her human, and I traveled a short distance to a spot that holds a bit of history for myself. My father and I used to camp at this spot on the lake when I was younger, much so. It has gone through a lot of changes. Trees missing and so forth. However, now there is a hiking trail there. A very nice little trail that is now another favorite spot of mine. The only "noise" I heard there was that sweet racket of birds and wind, ahhh. Kinda makes me drool a bit. It was very quiet, very nice. We took some real nice shots with the cameras.(At this point Terzula's mind just remembered that Amy was there as well). My four legged owner really had a time too. He was falling all over himself trying to keep up with Mesha, another of his kind. When I say "falling", I mean it. he was wore the heck out! It was great.
The best part was that we were all there, together, enjoying the Out, as I put it. It was a beautiful day spent with beautiful people and a pair of furry critters.

I did it, I stole the prunes!!

2010-02-28T06:26:00.000-08:00

I understand that I haven't posted in a while, and I would apologize except that I just don't care really. I have to act tough, you see, for I am a hardened thief. A PRUNE thief! I shall explain:
Last night , like many nights, I had a dream. This dream had a number of people from my past and involved a very elaborate and complicated scheme in which to heist two small pallets of....prunes??? Yep, prunes. Trust me, I have no idea why either. My job was to steal a guest book from one hotel and take it to another hotel to replace the one currently there. Everyone had jobs to do and mine was, somehow, a key role in this grand theft. Oh yes, very important in prune thieving is the switching of the guest logs! Oh, and, for those that don't know, prunes now grow on small bushes, much like a tomato. Yeah, all wrinkled and everything. It's a wonder of nature really.
So, therein lies my confession, I am ready, take me away. Just in time too, Bruno needs to go out......................later

Kleiner Bruders' first x-mas, and ours too!

2009-12-26T10:16:00.000-08:00

It has been, and still is, a great Christmas time. Charity has had, and still is having, a wonderful time. Her brother from Houston has come to visit with his wife and children. She has opportunity to visit with him way too seldom. It is their fist Christmas together in years. Christmas is her favorite of holidays and him being here has made it so much better for her. On Christmas day we all took of to a place near San Angelo to visit with her aunts, uncles and cousins. The kids loved it. Her uncles are firemen and gave the children rides on the firetruck. I would have gone also but there are laws as to who get to drive and sound the sirens and alarms. Damn! Still it was loads of fun. The dog even enjoyed it, except for the fire truck's horn. On the way back we stopped at a store called the fudge pump. No really, you can't make a name like that up. They sold...fudge. Great fudge!
Christmas morning was great as well, all the kids shredding paper to get at the gifts, the dog munching up goodies from his stocking, seeing Charity's face with her family in the same room enjoying themselves. Very nice.
Oh yeah, and the snow! Christmas eve it starting pelting down snow here. While this may not be news worthy to some, it is here in Death Valley...just kidding. It does seldom snow in this part of Texas though and even more rare on Christmas. Easter morning, oh sure, but Christmas, very rare. Kleiner Bruder, aka, my dog, LOVES the snow!!!! I wish all could have seen him. He would run around with his nose in the snow, dig at the snow, roll in it, bit it, and take off in circles. All the while with a smile on his doggy face. Hey, he can smile if he wants to! And he was smiling! My God he has a great time in the snow. The snow is melting away today so he is playing in the withering patches as much as possible.
My favorite part? Watching Charity, the kids, and my beloved meat-headed dog enjoy themselves!

time

2009-12-15T03:07:00.000-08:00

I am often fascinated with this obsession that humans have with "time". How is it that something so perception-based could rule the lives of an entire planet? "I have to be at work by 9" , "You must be there in 20 minuets.", "Oh, I'm sorry, but you're out of time.", etc. Really? What if my watch is fast or slow? Does that make me wrong? Does it make me right? Seconds, days, years, it honestly doesn't mean very much to me. Oh sure, I play along for the benefit of you Earthlings, but I don't care. I eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired, and take the dog out when he needs to go. It works great! I get along fine with the knowledge that it is mid day when the sun is at its zenith and night time when it's dark. I acknowledge the passing of the seasons and I get along OK. Age? BAH! Who needs it! Some days I am old, others...well not so old. So why this obsession to make everything fit into nice little blocks of manageable segments? I think it may be man's obsession to rule everything. Even things that cannot be "seen", touched, tasted or even truly mastered. Of course we all can see the passage of time, but we cannot see time itself in solid form. My belief, since you ask, is that all forms of thinking life would stay younger longer if they did not obsess over this wholly perceptive thing called "time".
In other goings-on, The Sprite turned 12. What the hell? growing up sucks! Stay young! Mooch off of the parental units as long as possible. Before long she will want civil liberties and equality and a drivers licence! Buddha help us all then!! It is bad enough that Marshall will be on the road in 3 years, now Amy will be driving in 4 !!!!!!!! Holy crap, we should all stay off of the roads then. Get everything done now so you can stay off the streets when they become speeding maniacs!!

that time of year...

2009-12-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

It is in fact, that time of year for me. The time of year when I feel the need to be alone, away from everyone. It's not that I dislike most people...oh, wait, yes it is. Um, no, this is different. This time of year I like to isolate from those few that I DO like. Hmmm, maybe it's the weather. I'm not sure. Every time this time of year rolls around I feel the need, the compulsion, to just GO. To get away from everyone. To sit by a fire with just my dog, to be alone. More so than usual. I want nothing more than the natural sounds of the planet around me. Just the animals and me...more than usual. I eat more out of habit than hunger. No, it is not depression, trust me, I know what depression is and this is not it. i actually feel good this time of year. I simply have this longing to be AWAY..once again, more than usual. Honestly, I do dislike 99% of all people that I meet. This includes family as they are human as well. I can, and this is no joke, count on two of my four paws, the people that I like. The others I tolerate and poorly at that. I shall not go into the reasons why now, but they are numerous. I just don't like people. No offense taken if you are human, I hope. Oh, this small number of people does not include children. I tend to like those young ones not yet corrupted by the taint that is humanity. I do not believe that all humans should be put down. No, let them have their planet. I'll go back to mine. I prefer the animals. I understand them as they are like myself. Not sure if it the simple-mindedness of them or the instinctual drive that keeps them going that I relate to, whatever it is, I dig it. Perhaps I should do as people suggest that I should do and hibernate. It would make sense. I do so love this time of year and weather though. Right now the air is heavy, so much so that it is leaking moisture. It is what some humans consider cold. Wet and cold, this I can handle. I spent yesterday in shorts and a t-shirt and will probably do so again today. It's just not cold to me. My blubber keeps me well insulated. Well guys and gals, I sign off for now, no applause please. Take care, hug your children and feed your dog a steak. --That last part the dog told me to say or he was not going to take me outside this morning.

invisible dog poop

2009-12-06T17:03:00.000-08:00

We got the tree up today and by we I mean Charity. It looks good and while I don't particularly care for the holidays, she does, so it is important to me now as well. It is a nice tree and while we don't have a lighted deer next to it we do have a dog. However, he does not like to be wrapped in lights, so that's out. By the way, the deer looks awesome by the tree with it looking back and forth. Pooh loves it and that's what counts.
We also wrapped some birthday presents, no not for the baby Christ, but for the Sprite, my tree's daughter. Her birthday is Wednesday, she will be 12, God help us all. To me, she may as well be an alien from another plane of existence. Girls, go figure. The female of the human species tends to be too complex for my fathoming. Give me the males to deal with, simple and stupid.
I retrieved a large dog kennel for my pooch today, it's almost as large as the kitchen table, but he can fit into it comfortably. I had to get one due to his thinking that he needs to go everywhere with me and if not, he is obligated to try and follow...through the windows or walls. No really, through a wall! Plus, last night he bit into one of the Internet cords severing it neatly. Now, on to the subject of invisible poop. You've been waiting for this I just know it! Has your dog, assuming that you have one, farted so awesomely that you just KNEW you had stepped in crap? Or that the furry one had just dropped a bomb right next to you? Mine did just that today as we were stepping off of the porch. Man, I looked everywhere for it, even checking my shoes. Invisible poop, makes you wonder, or does it? It may just be me. Oh, and for the rest of humanity's' knowledge, it is not wise to hold a cold cat inside of your jacket when your dog sprints at you while you are squatted down. Apparently 75+ pounds of slobbering fur doing 30 miles an hour towards you is cause for alarm in most cats. They react. Violently. And very quickly. Claws, moving at blender speed running around the inside of your jacket can be cause for alarm in most humans, I have found. Animals! I just love 'em!

Christmas shopping

2009-12-05T19:56:00.000-08:00

Hey there people and other more complex beings! It is the time of year that causes people the most stress...Christmas time! I, usually, am not stressed at all during this time. My secret? I dislike Christmas. Yep, there, I said it. Now, I am not anti-christian or anything, I just dislike the whole holiday whores thing that we have become. The materialistic-minded mass of idiots that seem to plague so many of us during the holiday season, that consumes us, that we become. I have seen normally nice people get into fist fights over crap that we should not, or would not, care about normally. But we do, often, at this time of year. I hate it. I do enjoy the whole childhood 6a.m. ripping the wrapping paper apart to see the new loot part. That part I absolutely love. In my opinion Christmas, the "holiday" should be for the children. I love seeing them light up and come awake at the sight of the presents under the tree. Santa has come!!!! It is a beautiful thing..... Back to the no-stress part, I usually shop very little and care even less about the holiday. Usually. Today I went shopping with my Tree and realized just how short of the funds I was this year. I'm not really complaining, I would just liked to have had more loot to buy the loot with. I saw so many things that I would have liked to get so many people. We will make do though. I even bought my Tree a....HA! Nice try lady!! Thought I was going to spill the beans on what I got you didn't you?? I even got my pooch a little something. I won't say what in case he reads this too. Hey, it could happen....Most of the gifts were bought for the kiddos so all of you adult-types will have to wait until after X-mas. So sorry. However, if you would like to get me something... may I suggest a water monitor lizard, or something in the range of one of the worlds many crocodile species...
Oh, and if possible, try to give to someone who needs the help. I think everyone knows a child that could use a little something this year..

random, as usual

2009-12-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

The new dog is doing very well. he does not, however, like being left alone. He sticks to my side all day and at night sleeps lightly until morning when he can sleep next to me, until I move. Then he follows me everywhere again. He even follows Charity around if she leaves the room. I left him alone in the house today to go to lunch with Charity. Haa! He tried to claw his way out of the windows. He tore the cover off of the door window and the blinds off of a bedroom window to try and follow me. The damage is minimal so I am not too upset by his anxiety.
The water dragon is doing great. He is putting on weight and his color is wonderful.
The snakes are getting longer, and longer. Much longer. The cats scare the hell out of the dog. Squishy goes out of her way to terrorize the poor beast. Drizzt is indefferent to his presence.
I am simply rambling today. That seems to not be out of the ordinary for me. The weather is GREAT! Cold and wet. Some do not share my enthusiasm towards this change in the seasons. Then again, I get enthusiastic over some pretty bizzare subjects, so I am told. Hey, it snowed in Texas! A rarity in this state. I have seen it in my youth in Norther Texas, bet it snowed in the central and even the far western parts.
You know, as I get older, my thought patter becomes more random. Oh, I can focus on things..with effort. Chaotic ahlzhimers i suppose. I have a Tigger brain! Very bouncy, and striped.

LOOKIT!!!! It's a doggie!

2009-11-30T20:26:00.000-08:00

I picked up the dog dog today! Bruno, as he was called by the shelter, is home. He weighs in at a light 74 pounds and could stand to gain at least 15 more. The vet and others ask me what his breed is and I tell them hungry. And boy is he! He is mostly lab, the other part appears to be empty stomach. He is afraid of the psycho kitty Squishy and does not like Drizzt-cat around his food. That could be a mild problem since he thinks all food is his. So far he is well mannered in the house and out. He likes the kiddos and Charity, which is good because I would hate to loose her.... He is still learning what is his and what is not a chew toy. He loves his smoked and basted bones. You can tell by the gnawing noises and shrapnel left behind. He really likes a ride in the X-Terra and the big yard. Did I mention that he loves food also? I think that he will be a great looking animal once I get some weight back on him. He will be a wonderful friend to walk with on this leg of my travels.
As I had mentioned, we went to the ranch/farm where I spent some great times growing up and learning what it was to be a good man. There was a lot of memory triggers that took me back to 6 and 7 years old. The tank I spent summers fishing at, the field I learned to drive a tractor in, where I learned to ride a bike. Lots of memories. Without my grandfather, the place looked hard, desolate, empty. As if it too had passed on. Oh there is still life there, but different. You can see signs of the way it once was, the fallen grandeur of a once-proud land worked by hard hands. You can see the skeletons of greatness. You can feel the emptiness in the wind, a longing to be great again if only it had that spark again. The whole of the place feels hollow. Instead of sadness, I felt acceptance. He would like that, I think.
What I remember most, other than the people, are the smells. The fresh turned earth, food cooking, the dog. I remember the feel of the wind as I stand on the hill or in the fields. That wind that calls to me, draws me to find its source, to go. I can feel the rains of all seasons washing over me, the feeling of being truly cleansed by the soul of the land. I hear the birds, the sheep, the cattle, the tractor and my grandfather calling in the cows to milk. We had only the two Jerseys that we milked, we needed no more than that. I also remember the feel of a warm egg in my hand taken from right under the hens. Now, there is just the wind. But, if you listen closely you can still hear and feel all of these things. I hope someday the place is awakened anew.
How far does the wind carry the past?

Guess what!!!!!!

2009-11-28T18:42:00.000-08:00

Guess what, guess what, GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!! I got a dog!!!! First, I must tell you about where I got him from. I got him from Brown County Animal Shelter, which is not the name now but I can't recall what it's called, sorry!. This place is truly awesome!. no, really, it is. It is the CLEANEST shelter I have ever been to, and I have been to a few. OK, a great many shelters. It is where I prefer to get all my mammal companions from shelters as it saves lives. Any way, it is a great place. As I said, it is very clean, even the smell, if there was one, was nice. The animals are in great shape. Healthy and happy. Yes, happy. Well fed and clean and happy. Did I say they were happy? They are so. They do not let the animals go home until they are spayed/neutered, micro-chipped and with there rabies shots. Very cool. They also come with a 30 day pet insurance that covers anything they might have missed an the coverage is up to $750.00. Hey! just found the shelter's name! It is the Corinne T. Smith Animal Center. It is in Brownwood, Texas so give them a check out if looking for a dog, cat, kitten or puppy. They also check for heart worms and give them all the appropriate shots. All of this cost $150.00 for dogs an I believe $75.00 for cats. Now this may sound a bit steep at first, but for all that you and your new pet receive, it is very little indeed. This place is great and I expect that I will be volunteering in the future at the shelter.
The dog is great. His is a mixed breed of considerable size. A beautiful animal. We could have gotten a puppy, or even one of the pure-bred dogs, but I opted for this guy. It would have been hard for a dog of his size to find a home and he is a year old. Most people want puppies. Heck, this one is already broke in!
We went to the ranch this weekend and I had a good time. We watched Sidney play a great game in the 6-man finals. They lost by 8 points but the game was good all the same. There was a lot of relatives that I had not seen in some time, and a few that I had not seen for a while on purpose.... The food was ..grannies food. Always awesome. There was everything. Baked turkey, deep fried turkey, ham, oh the ham!, dressing, and too many other things to list here. I ate, and ate, then ate some more. The only thing fat free might have been the forks. Who cares, it was way too good to consider calories.
I hope to post pictures of the dog soon and am looking forward to our new family member.
Be well everyone!!!

meal? , not so bad...

2009-11-26T16:38:00.000-08:00

The meal was cooked and no one has passed away because of it...yet! Everyone claims that it is/was good and they ate well and, I suppose, that is what counts. We ended up with quite a few leftovers as my younger sibling could not show. He was flown out of state with his job at the last moment. Sucks, but such is his job. So, leftovers, yeah, we have plenty. Therefore if you know anyone hungry in this area, let me know. Dad enjoyed it and he got a call from my older brother who resides in Alaska. We have not heard from him in some time due to communication problems in the region. He lives 50 miles north of the Arctic Circle so that is no surprise. But, new phone number and lines or what not, all is well.
Today is also feeding day for all of the reptiles, a good meal for everyone here, I suppose. The cats ate good too, you know, "dropped" food. My water dragon will be getting larger before long and will require new lodging. I will begin building a new, larger terrarium soon and am looking forward to it. Not the cussing and throwing tools part, but the challenge and enjoyment of building something. The snakes are doing great and growing strong. I am still searching for a dog. I am looking for a rescue dog or one from an animal shelter. It is not easy selecting one that will go well with me. I am looking for a large dog, a German Sheppard or golden retriever or larger, but am not ruling out anything at the moment. Except maybe those tiny little dogs that are the size of a snakes meal. No, I do not condone or practice feeding dogs to reptiles , no matter the size of the dog! I simply want a dog bigger than a large rat.
I am also looking into getting a bird again. My last one died due to puppy. Yes, puppy. My German Shepard had pups and when they were a few months old, my sun conure tried to maul one and scared the puppy, which, in turn, yelped and snapped, hitting the bird and causing it's end in this life-cycle. It was tragic, I had lived with the bird for many years and had never had a problem with the whole dog-bird interaction. As they say, it only takes once. I blame neither for the accident, just myself for not using proper foresight. I knew better and should have used more caution. The result is that I lost a dear friend of the feathered variety.
Sidney plays in the first round of state finals in 6-man football this Friday. I hope to see the game as it was my high school, and I enjoy football! Both teams are undefeated, Sidney 12-0 and the other team 11-0. Walnut Springs beat Sidney last year ending their season, so this should be interesting at least.
I hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving (why do we capitalized those 2 words together?), and remember what the day is for. Giving thanks.

It's here, that day

2009-11-26T02:08:00.000-08:00

Here it is, T-day! I've got the dressing in the oven now. The bird is preped. The pies are baked. I'm ready! Oh, crap. I still have a lot to do though! I hope it all works out. The pies, by the way, are great. Jenn and David came by and we broke in to one of the pecan pies. Not too bad.
Sorry to hear that Crazed is ill. Hey, if all goes wrong, bring them over here, I'll feed them!...Right. I'll try to anyway. Really, I hope you get to feeling better.
I do hope that one of my younger brothers, the tallest of us and therefore not a "little" brother, (heck, none of my youngers are little!) is able to show up today. He works over 100 hours most weeks. Yep, he drives a truck. But, hopefully, he can show. Dad will be here. Oh shit. I have no gift for him yet. Crap on a cracker. Ummmmm, oh, crap. I need to at least get him a card. I think I have time, if anything is open in town today. Oh, man. I'll figure something out, I have too!
You know, I was going somewhere with this.... Oh yea! I remember now. Hey, get used to it with me.
We are going to the ranch where I spent the most memorable parts of my childhood. Where I learned what being a good person, a good HUMAN is all about. Where kindness meant something. Where I saw that a kind, soft hand meant so much more than a harsh, cruel word. All this I learned from my grandfather and grandmother, well, "step" grand parents. Not to me though, to me, he was my world. He taught me so much more than what I was exposed to. He taught me that being tough was not being mean. He was strong, morally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Yet, he would deliver a lamb that was having trouble entering the world as if he were cuddling an infant. He was a much bigger man than I am. Than most. The best man I have ever known in person. I miss him dearly. I am so very thankful that I had a chance to have him in my life. I can still see him milking one of the two milk cows by hand, checking out the beef cattle, sheep or pigs. Walking in the garden, or chicken yard. Sitting under the oak of an evening with Mansfield, the German Shepard. Oh how I miss him and that dog. Rest well you two, you have deserved your rest.
Anyway, we are going to the ranch. Another one of my younger brothers will be there. People that I see far to infrequently will be there. The place is different now. There are a great fewer animals there. The old ranch house burned down, and Granny is much older. But still, the memories persist. So many good memories.....
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. Take a moment to remember all of those gone before you, those childhood feasts and laugh. Laugh a lot, so the children around you will have memories like we have.

Domestication.., Again!

2009-11-23T21:56:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I begin cooking for this Thanksgiving Day meal. It will be especially important to me for, you see, it is my first attempt at the making of the feast AND it is my father's birthday. So I hope that I do not screw it up! I very seldom get to cook for my Dad so it is doubly important that I do well. I will attempt to cook a bacon and herb turkey with apple cider gravy and cornbread dressing to accent the bird. I will also make my infamous mashed potatoes that are a closely guarded ancient double secret recipe of my own making, plus a batch of pecan and chocolate pies (my first shot at these as well!). I will try my hand at cranberry sauce too. And the the regular sides. One of my younger brothers and his future wifey-poo plan to be in attendance as well. Here is the sad part: I am worried about the outcome!! Me! The guy who at one time took a date to Allsups for dinner! (Oh yes, it's true, I did that!) Wow, what a domesticated little human I have become. What happened to the feral me? The man who would throw small animals on a fire and call it cuisine? The guy who would roast a perch and open a can of corn and LOVE it? Now, I worry about a good deal on bleach or what brand of toilet paper holds up without chafing. Next thing you know, I'll be watching project runway and worrying if Sweet Pea will win....oh, wait, I did that already, a few seasons back. Make it work designers! I talk about blending fall colors with shoes, me!, the guy who could have gone a year without changing underwear until Christmas, IF I got some as a gift. O.k., not quite that bad, but close!
I should be chopping wood, and getting the cabin ready for winter, not baking pies!! I need to be fighting a grizzly bear with a Swiss army knife, the Victorinox one of course, and taking its' coat for a blanket, not shopping for place settings! Oh, if my ancestors could see me now. Instead of making my own soap I'm looking for coupons on scented body wash. I don't know if I should smash my head between two bricks or get the one that smells of lilacs! I need to get back to the primitive!
So, if you are headed that way, I could use a lift. Did I mention that I can cook?...

Dreams and emotions

2009-11-21T04:54:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night that involved a lot of people from my past. We were having a "party" of sorts for a man named J.C. that is the father of some girls I went to school with. His wife was there, Marty, Steve and other friends. Charity was there. My children and there non-existent quad or quintuplet brothers, and my ex-wife. My children! It has been some time since I have seen them. We were interacting and having a great time. Even my daughter was there and hanging out with me and taking photos and having a ball. I was able to serve them cake and ice cream. Oh, my daughter is still pissed at me leaving them. Trust me when I say that it was much more involved than simply "leaving them" and it was the best and safest thing for them all at the time. And there were frogs there, dendobrates and a frog that I can't i.d. except to say it was a clown frog in my dream, however it did not look like a clown frog at all.
I awoke feeling.....a longing for my children. A need for their voices, their laughter, their touch. Anything of them, some fleeting glimpse, something, just a bit of something from them. Now, simply sadness, emptiness, an aloneness. Sitting here I can feel their hair from when I would rub their heads as they stood next to me. I can see their smiles.
It has been a great while since I have seen them. Great for me anyway. I have not spent time with them since early summer. Not for lack of wanting. I don't even have their phone number. You see, I was in the nut hut at the time of the divorce. Hell I didn't even know I had been divorced for some months after the fact. So now, I don't even have basic custody rights. Nothing. No visitation schedule, no phone number, no address, no info what so ever. I am contacted by them when she decides to allow me to visit with them and even then it is only for an hour or two at most.
It is my fault though. I was in the process of loosing my mind more and more each day. I was not diagnosed then and not on meds. I knew nothing of what was wrong except that I had become a danger to everyone around me and I had to leave. I spent the next 87 days in the casa de crazy trying out meds and the next three and a half years trying to find medication that WORKED. After almost four years I saw them again. That was the last time I saw my daughter. That was over three years ago. There is nothing to fill the emptiness with. I have tried it all; peace in knowing that they are safe and well cared for, hatred and anger (at myself), and simply trying to ignore the fact that they are no longer around me. All has fallen short of filling the hole inside of me left by my absence from them.
So, here I sit, perched in this chair, my throne of nothingness and emptiness, alone inside. I don't feel sorry for myself, nor do I crave pity from anyone. All of this is my own making, my shortcomings and failures and I accept that. There is no "poor me". Hell, there is hardly any "me" at all. Who am I now? What am I now if not a father anymore? I feel as if I simply.....exist.
Hug your children if you have any as soon as possible.
Delete any anger you might have towards them.
Forgive them.
Love them.
And most of all, TELL them that you love them and SHOW it!
I read somewhere that words are hollow without action so
show them!

the longest nights

2009-11-16T00:53:00.000-08:00

As is often the case, I find myself up at an odd time for most diurnal mammals. Sometimes I sit at the computer checking out the news or National Geographic type site. Sometimes I enjoy just sitting outside in the night. The feel of the cool air, the star-filled sky, the quiet, I love it all. It's a time when I am alone with myself. Just me and the night. I can think a little, clear my head somewhat. I often kid about it, but I really would love to live in a secluded forest somewhere in the north-west, near the Rockies would be great or even in British Columbia. I crave it, long for it. I feel that I actually NEED it. I have always been drawn north and I have no idea why. Even as a child, I have felt the need to live alone in the forest or unspoiled areas of the north. Idaho, Oregon, Washington, Canada, somewhere like that. Away from this "civilized" technical society. I have a brother that lives in Kotzebue, Alaska, that is 50 miles north of the arctic circle. He likes it though it has its' shares of drawbacks. I would like a bit less tundra in my neighborhood though. maybe some day I can find myself in the quiet solitude of tall trees and birds singing.
Marshall's party went well, I think. I stacked his cake while it was still warm and it looked as if a medium-sized farm animal had sat on it though. He seemed not to care but I did, greatly. In true Marshall style he even sang happy birthday to himself with the rest of the party goers. The kid, er, young man, is quite humorous. The next morning , he and I started building a helicopter from one of his gifts. It was time very well spent! As he put it, it will give us time to bond (said with much humor again). It was very nice though.
I have been up for several hours and will need to get others up in an hour or two so I will try to lay down a bit.....later!

ugh! me man here me fall!

2009-11-14T06:21:00.000-08:00

You know there are times, most of the time in fact, that I feel as though I should be running through a forest naked, thank God no one will be around to see that spectacle, and chasing small furry animals and eating them raw. Living as I can by the laws of nature and my survival skills alone. But no! Instead I am WAY too domesticated. Getting up early on a SATURDAY to bake cakes. BAKE CAKES!!! Do you hear me?!? Holy crap, what has happened to me!?!? I used to wake up around noon or later and start drinking after another night of partying, kick out whatever bodies I happened to share a bed with that night (yes I was a pig) and take a shower to begin another night of revelry. Now I wake up and feed a CAT and take children to school and wash and fold clothes. And here is the kicker...I LIKE IT! What the hell!? I AM domesticated! UGH, BLECH! Oh well, I suppose it had to happen. Too bad it was to me. Oh how the mighty man-beast has fallen. Men are such stupid creatures........

birthday & bar-b-q

2009-11-13T16:55:00.000-08:00

Tommorow is the boy's birthday. Wrapped his gifts today, one with duct tape then wrapping paper. Will be baking his cake in the morning and decorating it. It should be noted that I am far from a pro at it. I will also cook on the grill, brats and ribs and whatever else falls on the fire. We are to have some friends over and nothing is better than food and friends.
Speaking of friends, we have a new one! She is a four year old great dane and what a beauty! She is Emma's new doggie and they get along great. Oh, and the swelling in Drizzts' jaw is down considerably and he is felling better. He has been a true pest all day placing himself in front of me for attention reguardless of what I may be attempting to read at the moment. The snakes all ate very well. My Jayde Tree calls mine the Slithering Pig due to the amount and rate at which he consumes rodents.
I am currently seeking a k-9 companion. Hopefuly something large or huge. I will settle for a medium sized dog if need be but hesitate at any breed smaller. I really love the German shepard but there are so many wonderful breeds that it is hard to choose. Cost will definately play a roll as Christmas is coming up as well as birthdays.
I had a dream today that my sons came to visit me. The older of the two wanted to play and was off doing so while the younger wanted to stick next to me and talk. It was a wonderful conversation we had And we both became closer to each other. Then I awoke.A very frantic and sad moment when I realized that they were not actually here. Very sad. I have not seen them for many months and seldom get to visit with them so I was more than a little shaken and crushed at the fact that it was all fantasy. Such is reality from this perseption.
O.K. mortals, I must now fly, we have guest and I must entertain as I am entertaining.

Injured kitty

2009-11-12T09:27:00.000-08:00

Hello primate-types! Yesterday we took one of the two cats, Drizzt, to the vet. with swelling of his lower jaw. The doctor really didn't tell us much but did give him some antibiotics as he (the cat) had a fever. I did not know how much I was attached to this particular feline-type critter until I was describing his demeanor of the last few days to the veterinary staff. Hell, my voice was cracking and my hands were shaking. While the kitty was in the exame room with my Jayde Tree, i was nervous as heck and could not stay still. My eyes even "got something in them" several times. I was really shook up, even after arriving back at the house. That is funny, since I can't remember crying at a funeral, but I will over that cat. I'm not supposed to like cats because I am a "dog person".
You know, I'm not one who just goes around bawling over everything, but I will, on occasion, shed a tear or three. However, it is usually over the wierdest things. For example; I can spend several hours just looking at a rose or even a leaf of a tree and I may drop a tear over the fact that there is no one there at the moment to share the awsome beauty of that moment with at the time. Or the fact that there are people who will NEVER see the beauty of complex simplicity such as that. That's not to say that I sit there crying my eyes out, just a tear or two. I certainly don't cry over things like a child being hurt, that makes me furious with a white-hot blinding rage. I want to tear the accused apart, slowly. Things like that make no sense to me, there is no reason for it. Those little ones have no protection or defense over a person like that except what we teach them and our watching over them. Ahh, ok, done ranting for now about that. where was I....oh, yes, crying. Anyway, I cry over strange things such as a sunrise or sunset, a clear and star-filled night, or a wonderful rain, but not the usual death of a loved one.
I have never seen death as sad, just a part of being. Sure, I miss those that have passed through my life, and I always will, but I am not sad at their demise. But, let my dog die and I am a wreck. I find this odd. Hey, I find a lot about me odd when put next to a human!
Well, it is time for me to go for now. I have to wax my prehensile tail and clean the suction pads on my toes and fingers. Take time to SEE something today, not just look at it.

The Terrible Terzula

2009-11-12T01:02:00.000-08:00

Here is a little, or a lot, about myself. I am old, as old as the wind or around that age. Perhaps my age isn't quite that spectacular, but we all have those days when we feel that old. I have 3 biological children; Raven, Keighvin and Connor. I also have 2 psuedo-children: Ashe and Amy. I love them all very much. I am "uncle" to a great many other young human types that I also love dearly, and I am owned by a one Ms. Emma. No, really, just ask her! I am in a relationship of the loving kind with a beautiful, intellegent and creative woman, Charity (my Jayde Tree), and I am not simply kissing butt here, she is truely all of those things. I have a very few humans that I consider friends but those I do have I consider close. They are somewhat crazy. I also carry a small party of insane beings around in my head and they are quite looney! Trust me when I say that they are deffinately off their rockers.
I love nature and all things about it with the exception of most humans, I shall not get into that subject now. I relate to and like animals better than most humans. Animals I get, humans, Hmph!, not so much. I have some animals that are cared for in this house that I would like to think of as siblings of a slightly different species. They are as follows: Three ball pythons with the names of Madmartigan,Sorcha,and Razell. All are young and looking great. A Mexican black kingsnake named the Slithering Darkness, or simply Slither. An Asian water dragon that goes by Obad-Dai who is also very young and was a rescue from a "pet store" that knew nothing of proper care of one of his species. There are also two of the feline persuasion housing themselves here; Drizzt and Squishy Kitty (because she felt squishy as a baby, not because she gets squished).
We have a typical household with a-typical people. A teenager and one that might as well be a teen. Monet is , well fleeting, at best but we manage to get by. We are all mostly healthy , ok, perhaps not so much mentaly, and we are a happy lot.
As for me, I love the rian, the Fall, and wind. I am more comfortable outdoors than inside most of the time. My heros are my Father, Steven Irwin and his family Terri, Bob, little Robert, and Bindi-carry on! I'm not reliegous, but spiritual on occasion and I tend towards the Buddhist beliefs. I have eatten healthy once and enjoy a variety of grub. Music is a must have as are books and mental stimulation. I tend to wear shorts and sandals year round, I enjoy being very casual. My grammar, you may well have noticed, is poor. It is a difficulty for me to write or type and administer to proper spelling as my mind moves faster than my hands do. I rarely go back over to check for spelling and what not. Mostly because I don't care, I can usually get my point across. If I confuse you, don't worry, I do that a lot to a great many people. My mind is often a chaos bomb and sometimes impossible to follow, so good luck trying. Cheese! The ferret has mustard in his shoes and the fish is in my pants floating on an inner-tube on Saturn. Sadly, yes. But then I LIVED!....See?
Have you told someone that you love and/or miss them recently? Maybe you should. Do it, now. No really, stop reading and go do it.
What are you still doing here? Go! DOOOOOO IIITTTT. And give someone a hug for no reason, it really freaks them out sometimes and that is a lot of fun.

Exo Terra review

2009-11-11T06:54:00.000-08:00

I have recently been using ExoTerra Sun Glospot lamps to heat and light our reptile terrariums. The results have not been good at all. The spot lamps for daytime and infrared night lamps of the Neodymium sort have an increadibly short life span. I use 3 different brands of light fixtures on 3 different tanks for 3 different species of herptile. All 3 set ups have had the same results. The longest-lived bulb was just under a full 30 days, the shortest, just 3 days!! We have 3 ball pythons, a Mexican Black Kingsnake and THE most beautiful Asian water dragon you have ever seen! Their names are,respectfuylly: Madmartigan, Razell, Sorcha, the Slithering Darkness (slither), and Obad-hai. All 3 kinds have different requirments but one thing in common; they all need a reliable heat source!!!! These bulbs have a nasty habit of burning out in the middle of the night or when we are out. I have tried to communicate to Hagen, the company that makes the lamps, to no avail. So, if you own reptiles, be warned. I have bought over a dozen since August and here it is only November. I am just fortunate to have purchased multiple bulbs each time I ordered. It is not the company I order our supplies from, Reptile Supply.com has been spot-on with the shipping. No broken bulbs on many seperate shipments. We have, however, had no problems with the Exo Terra fluorescent bulbs. They are still working strong on a timed cycle switch that gradually brings the light up to full brightness and slowly dims them each evening.
I have had much better luck with the Fluker bulbs. Hey, all I can recomend is that you try different things to see what works for you and your creepy-crawlys and ALWAYS!!!! buy back up heat sources!!! We live in central Texas and the weather is bi-polar as hell, always changing, so a fall back plan and reserve supplies are a must. We must look after our critters as we agreed to when we decided to raise them, it's our responsibility, so do it well.